Through the Looking Glass
by Nayru Hatake
Summary: What if you could read your lover's thoughts.. would you?
1. Sleepless

_What if you could read your lover's thoughts?_

 _No more secrets.. no more hiding._

Matthew stared in bafflement at the sign on a table. He'd been walking through the mall with no problem, a couple bags in hand. His stance swayed slightly as his blue-violet eyes stared at the soft pink bottle. Though the mallw as full of people, nobody paid him any mind, as per usual.

 _~"Gilbert, what's wrong..?" He'd asked. The albino that slept next to him had a shaking hand to his head as he stayed silent._

 _"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." Before Matthew could even say anything in response, the man would slip out of the bed and leave the room quickly._

Matthew took careful, silent steps toward the unmanned table. The white cloth over the small table was creased under the weight of the sign.

 _~"Hey why are y-you ignoring me.. Why don't y-you talk to ..me..?" Matthew stammered. His stutter was normally gone with Gilbert around, but he couldn't help it if he felt that his husband was hiding something from him. The albino watched Matthew with tired eyes as he spoke, but stayed silent. There was so much he wanted to say, but not the words to say it in..._

 _"..I talk to you just fine, Birdie.. Are you alright?" he asked. in reply. Matthew would stare into the crimson eyes of his mate, and just knew he was hiding something._

 _Flustered and unable to speak anymore, he would leave the room._

He stopped just beside the table. His arms shook as he kept himself from snatching it. Was there someone to explain this? Why was he the only one who knew? Would it be alright to just take it? ...it wouldn't be right though.

Normally Gilbert wouldn't hide anything from him. Normally, the albino would tell him if something was wrong, especially since he knew how much his husband would worry, but...

...A week.

It had been a week since this began. Sleepless nights and quiet days. Sure, they would spent time together simply watching old musicals, or walking around in the park, but it felt like he wasn't all there. Even in his daze, Gilbert would try to show his husband the care he used to. Show him that he still loved him and would do anything for him, but there was always that tired look on his visage, and the far-away look in his eyes. The general sense that something just wasn't right.

And it hurt him.

Matthew put his hand on the cloth, letting the fabric graze agaisnt his skin, before he quickly reached out and grabbed the bottle from the table. His body shook as he stared at the disturbed pink liquid inside the bottle. it felt weird to take things, especially from here, but it... it was for the greater good.

It was decided. This isn't stealing. He'd come back and set things right after his purpose was fufilled... when there was someone to apologize to. He needed this more than anything right now.

Turning on his heels, he left the table's side, failing to notice the sign had changed. His blue-violet eyes were staring downa t the bottle, his steps weaving through the mass of people almost flawlessly. This had to work. He didn't want to lose him.

 _What if you could read your lover's thoughts?_

 _Would you ever look at him the same, Matthew?_


	2. Familiarity

His home always smelled like maple syrup, no matter how little he used the stuff. He stared at the pine door, trying to force down the lump in his throat as he tried to will himself to step inside.

Was this right?

Could he do it?

He gave one last glance at the bottle in his hand before stuffing it into his backpack. Matthew liked having the backpack around.. It made him feel wanted. Gilbert had given it to him and he adored the fact it was shapred like a fuzzy polar bear. He said it reminded him of Kumajiro.

Matthew smiled a bit at the thought of his large polar bear friend, who usually greeted him whenever he was outside. When he first introduced Kumajiro to Gilbert, he was worried that the bear wouldn't like him, and would try to hurt him, but the albino had a strange way with animals. He always had a canary around him, even in the home. Kumajiro seemed to relax at the sight of the canary, knowing that how the bird treated him was alright. So he could be nice to him too.

Yet today, Kumajiro was nowhere to be found. Which was worrying.

Taking a deep breath, Matthew opened the door and stepped inside, a soft smile on his lips as he adjusted his glasses. "I'm home.." he said softly.

Gilbert was on the couch, a book in his hand _. "Wilkommen, Vogel.."_ he said softly, his weary expression facing him. He gave given a soft, exhausted smile.

Matthew's heart lept at being addressed in German. Though it was an angry language, he always loved hearing Gilbert speak it. There was something about the way he pronounced it differently from his brother that made it seem less angry. Kind of like when Gil says he prefers hearing French from Matthew instead of Francis.

 _"Zhere's just somezhing about zhat guy zhat makes me vant to punch him sometimes."_

 _"Aren't you friends though? L-Like with Antonio..?"_

 _"Ja, Zhat doesn't mean I don't vant to deck him."_

Matthew smiled a little. He remembered the accent very well, but...

...lately, it was gone.

"H-heh.. hope you d-didn't have to..ah, too much fun w-without me.." Matthew muttered, crossing the room to set his bag on the counter. He felt the albino's off-crimson eyes watching his movements carefully. As they always did.

"Impossible.. you bring the light to my life. Though I am awesome enough on my own and can have fun on my own, it's better when you're here." he chuckled. At least he still kept the same mostly. Gilbert often kept inside this past week. Maybe he was afraid?

 _...of his brother_. Matthew sighed gently. Ludwig was a bit more strict in certain things than Gilbert was, but they both had their points of shared personalities. Like in the tidiness of their homes. Perhaps it was something they got from elsewhere.

"You keep saying that... but you haven't p-proved that yet." He taunted, before letting out a soft squeak at the feeling of Gilbert lifting him up off the floor. _Impossible... I never even heard him move!_

"How must I prove it to you Birdie..?" he asked. Even in his weakened state, Gilbert still lifted him easily. Like he weighed nothing. It was almost scary sometimes. Matthew closed his eyes, just taking in the German's soft scent of honey. he wasn't sure why he smelled that way, but he liked it..

When he finally opened his eyes, he squeaked again. Gilbert was right in his face, but he still smiled. This close.. it was easy to tell just how little sleep his husband had actually been getting. His normally bright crimson-and-indigo eyes had a glossy and faraway look in them, but his stare was just as piercing. "So what did you go get today?" He was asked.

Matthew looked off, a soft blush on his cheeks as he wriggled out of Gilbert's grasp. "I-it's not much.. just.. ah just some more sweaters.. and I... got something for you..."

Gilbert stood back up, his hands on his hips as he slid to stand next to the table, starting to dig through the bag. "Oh? You got me something? Let me see!"

All at once, Matthew grabbed the bag and held it close to him for dear life. Gilbert was confused as he stared at him, noticing the scared, yet angry look he was given. "N-no! I'll... It'll spoil the surprise!"

"...surprise?" he asked, before nodding and starting to walk off. "Alright, alright, I'll wait. I was at a good point in my book anyway. " He gave Matthew's cheek a soft kiss before turning on his heels to head back into the living room and flop down on the couch, flipping his book open to where he had it last.

...He seemed alright. Just tired. And yet, he knew he was hiding something. Each night Gilbert would jolt awake, and end up waking him in the process. Yet whenever he was questioning it, he always recieved the same response.

"I'm fine birdie, just go back to sleep.."

Matthew looked down at the fuzzy ears of the backpack, and imagined the glass bottle full of liquid sitting awkwardly against one of the bags.

...This had to work.


	3. Worry

_**Ba-bump.**_

Matthew got more comfortable in the bed he shared, bringing his knees up to his chest as he watched the albino "sleep" next to him. His blue-violet eyes watched as the man's muscles twitched, and his face contort in pain and confusion. He was confused and worried for his partner, knowing tonight would be another restless night.

The room itself was darkened by the sky, and everything had a pale blue hue to it, even in the lack of moonlight. He curled tighter, hugging his stuffed bear backpack to his chest as he began to think.

He had to see..

Was this right?

Would Gilbert be mad at him?

 _ **Ba-bump.**_

He shut his eyes, trying to calm his heart rate down. For the past week, he wanted to know what his husband was thinking about. What he was dreaming about to cause such distress, yet a part of him didn't think it was his place to know.

 _"Don't worry about it, birdie. I'll be fine."_

He opened his eyes again to stare at the back of Gilbert's head, which shifted slightly in his restless sleep. Why shouldn't he worry.. that's all Matthew ever did around Gilbert was worry. The man was so reckless and could get hurt...

 _"Don't worry. I'm too awesome to get hurt, you know that."_

...Even so, he has gotten hurt. It's worse when he fights with Ludwig over something stupid, but it apparently was commonplace at Ludwig's home... because both Kiku and Feliciano were on the case with the solution to the problem almost immediately. Strange to see Feliciano so organized... yet that may have been Kiku's doing.

 _"I'm just tired, don't worry. "_

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong.." He mumbled, stretching out his legs again as he dug inside the backpack for the strange bottle. It had a soft pink glow to it..

 _"Don't worry..."_

"You used to tell me everything, no matter how stupid it was.. and now it seems like you're hardly there." He turned the bottle around, staring at the liquid and watching it try to settle back on the inside. It was an odd looking liquid that left no trace agaisnt the bottle, and even looked like it had glitter in it.

 _ **Ba-bump.**_

He exhaled softly, setting the bag down on the floor as he opened up the bottle. Immediately, a strong scent of strawberries hit his nose and he recoiled. Too strong..

His gaze shifted back to Gilbert and with a free hand, he lightly shifted a few loose strands of his silvery hair out of his face. Gilbert was distressed.. yet it didn't seem like he'd be waking anytime soon. His skin was warm to the touch and his hair was damp with sweat. Lucky for him, he tended not to wear shirts to bed, else it would have been soaked by this point.

Without any instructions to go off of, Matthew simply assumed he'd be drinking it. With a soft exhale, and keeping his hand on Gilbert's head, he lifted the bottle up to his eyes. "...oh, maple, please don't be upset." he whispered, before taking a swig of the liquid.

...It may have smelled like strawberries, but the taste was far from it. He almost dropped with the bottle with how quickly he tore it away from his lips, but he set it on his nightstand instead. His body shook a little at such a revolting and rotten taste far differing the smell it gave off.

He sank back down to lay his head agaisnt the pillow, turning on his side to face Gilbert, who seemed to curl up in fright slightly. It was strange to see such a confident and strong man so frightened... Against his will, he felt his eyes growing heavy and the darkness of sleep overtook his mind.


	4. The Dream

At first, there was darkness... then the smell of fire made him open his eyes. It wasn't until he did that he found out his face was on a stone brick roadway. He pushed himself up off the ground and picked up his glasses. As he pushed them back onto his nose, he ran a hand through his dirty blond hair, pushing it out of his face.

."...Where am I?" he muttered, holding his hands close to his chest. Looking down, he noticed he was wearing a deep crimson sweater, dark gray shorts, and no shoes. How peculiar...

He looked back up and around the small area. Things looked way different here than they did back in Canada.. More.. old.

Thatched roof houses.. brick walls.. stone roads. The sky was darker, yet so bright and full of stars. Not like you could see back in Canada. There were so many of them. So bright. It was wonderful! "Maybe when i figure out where I am, I can return and stargaze... It's so nice here."

 _"HEY COME BACK!"_ shouted a male voice in the distance. Matthew jumped back. It sounded so loud, yet so quiet.. then it reminded him of the smell of fire. That's what woke him up. He looked around for the flames, as he saw no orange glow.

Footsteps.. and they were getting closer. _"COME BACK!"_ yelled the voice again. It sounded angry..

"Wh-" Matthew started, before a small figure ran around the corner of the roads. The small one was cloaked in black, hiding most of his features from the world, and he was running. Running in fear and panting hard, but he never stopped running. On the walls of the buildings on the road that he came from, a faint and familiar orange light started to paint the gray bricks, and Matthew knew right away that was the source of the fire.

The child came closer and closer to him, almost as if he was unseen, before colliding head on the Matthew's form, and they both were sent backward. the cloak fell away from the child, showing his bright silver hair **. "Vhat are you doing, you idiot! Don't just stand zhere in zhe middle of zhe street! You could get hurt!"** The child shouted, his crimson and indigo eyes glaring him down.

 _"GET BACK HERE DEMON!"_ shouted the voice again, and this seemed to make the child grow fearful as he stood up and covered himself again, bolting past the fallen Canadian.

Matthew was still in shock from the initial fall to notice the group of white cloaked men running after the child.

That hair...

Those eyes.

Only one person he knew matched that description. But it was impossible.. Gilbert was..

... _asleep_. Was he in the past? Was this just a dream? What did that potion _do_?

Once the crowd was gone and after the child, Matthew finally stood back up. His first instinct was to follow them to find out if the albino they were chasing really was Gilbert. But, if it was, why was he a child?

Collecting himself, he started to run after the crowd, catching up easily. Though the crowd of white cloaked men didn't seem to notice Matthew, which was something he was used to. Nobody ever saw him.

...but that's what made Gilbert so special. He saw him. He wasn't invisible anymore.

He huffed slightly, taking a path that led to the roofs. He had to get in front.. he needed to know.

Even if it wasn't Gil, it was still just a kid, and the looks on the men's faces told Matthew they intended to hurt or kill him.. It was just a child.

Once up there, he remembered running along roofs with Gil, and remembering what he learned from his races, he kept his balance, and refrained from using his whole sole, instead pushing himself forward with his toes to keep his momentum.

It wasn't long before he caught up to the head of the group, and he jumped down between them, just as the child tripped.

Matthew faced the group holding their pitchforks and torches, a rather cliche element if he had to say anything, but he threw his arms out protectively behind him, standing between the child and the group. His blue-violet eyes were seething with anger, and he wasn't scared.

Not when it came to protecting children, he refused to be scared. "What the hell is your problem! Attacking a child!" he yelled, surprising even himself.

The albino child behind him stared both in fright, and in curioisity, his gaze moving between the oddly dressed man, and the group in front of him. **"Vhat are you doing! You really are stupid aren't you.. Zhey are after me, not you! Get out vhile you can!"** the child hissed.

Matthew ignored him, staying focused on the crowd. "Answer me!"

One of them, dressed in a dark gray cloak, glared him down. _"Hand over the demon. We must save his soul. He has been kissed by the devil and the only way to save him is to hand him over. He is to be burned today."_

Matthew's hands shook. "Burned! Just because of his albinism!" He growled a little. "I'd rather die myself than let you harm him!"

The child seemed to stop breathing. **"v...vhat...?"**

The man only grinned. "It's not your soul we're after, stranger, but if you get in our way, we have no problem saving your damned soul as well. One more chance to hand him over bef- " his words were cut off by Matthew ramming his fist into his face.

The child looked just like Gilbert.. He wouldn't let any harm come to him. And if these people would hurt the child just because of how he looked, then they shouldn't look at all.

He must be protected.

 _"Why you-"_ the man growled, pulling out a sword. the child stood up and ran to grab Matthew's hand.

 **"Just come on, stupid, ve need to get out of here."** He said, pulling on his arm. Matthew oblidged, starting to run again.

 _"AFTER THEM!"_ The man shouted, and the group ran again.

The child was fast, thankfully, and Matthew kept up with him as he was led through the streets and alleys, until the both of them were no longer in sight of the town. Yet still they ran, until the trees hid their forms in the night sky.

Once he felt he was safe, the child let go of Matthew and turned to face him. **"Zhat vas eizher brave, or stupid of you to do. Zhey vere after me, and yet you stood in zheir vay. Nobody has ever helped me like zhat before.. Not vizhout somezhing in return. So vhat do you vant, stranger? Hmm? A medal? Cause I von't be your servant, you can guaruntee zhat!"** He said, his piercing gaze so familiar..

Matthew panted a little. "..Just answer me some questions... okay... First off, where...am I?"

The kid looked confused. **"Vhere... you really are from somvhere different. It isn't just your garb..Ve are in Prussia.. Closer to ze borders of Poland."**

 _Prussia... there's no way._ "...and what's your name?"

The kid frowned. **"By God, you are so nosy! So many qvestions!"** He turned, his back to Matthew. **"If you really must know, my name is Gilbert. I'd ask for your name but I really don't vant to know."**

Matthew's heart stopped. So this... this was Gilbert. His Gilbert... "How long have they been like this to you? Is it always this bad?"

Gil's posture dropped and he looked off. **"...Nein... It is not alvways zhis bad.. It's usually small zhings, like zhings being zhrown at me.. I am used to zhe rocks and knives.. but zhis... Today vas zhe first time zhey decided to come after me.. "**

"Who were they?" He was almost afraid to answer.

Gil turned his head back to him, looking at him as if he's grown a second head. **"...You don't recognize zhem? Vis zhe white cloaks and black crosses...?"**

"...no?"

 **"Zhey are zhe Teutonic Order..."**


	5. Hiding

The Teutonic Order...? The only thing he knew about them was what Gilbert had mentioned to him. They were a a group in the early times of Europe that focused on converting all the states and countries to Catholicism. Canada was more laid back... but he didn't think that it really mattered.

The Teutonic Order was dispelled... and yet he saw them, and it was told yet again. He had to be in the past.. That was the only explaination.

Matthew remained still for a moment before he sank to sit down on the grass, not noticing the strange look Gilbert was giving him.

 **"Uhh, stranger, are you alright? You look like you have seen a ghost.."** he mumbled, lightly prodding the sweater Matthew wore.

With a sharp intake of breath, Matthew took a step back. "Sorry, I..oh, maple, Sorry, it's just this is just a lot to take in.."

 **"Vell don't take your time or anyzhing. "** He huffed, looking off. Gilbert still looked scared, but he also didn't look like he'd let his pride get in the way. **"...Stranger, I have changed my mind. I vould like to learn your name... not zhat it matters or anyzhing, I just vant to call you somezhing ozher zhan stranger."**

Matthew relaxed, giving the child a soft smile. "It's Matthew..."

Gilbert turned back to Matthew and held out a hand **."Matzhew is a stupid name.. so it suits you. But i vouldn't zhink any ozher name vould suit you anyvhere near as vell."**

He had a feeling that was the closest he'd get to a compliment from the kid, even if all he ever did was seem to call him stupid, so he took the child's hand in his. "You shouldn't call others stupid.." he muttered.

 **"I don't. I only call zhem stupid vhen zhey are stupid, like you are, and vere earlier vis zhe Order. Nobody stands up to zhem.."** the child's grip was tight against his hand, as if he never wanted to let go. **"You are eizher stupid or brave.. my bet is on stupid."**

"Please stop calling me stupid.. I kept you from dying you know."

 **"I'm dead anyvay. "** He looked off, still not letting go. Matthew's breath hitched.

"... What makes you think that?"

Gilbert moved closer to Matthew, laying across his lap. **"Zhen you must be blind as vell as stupid.. Zhey all hate me... zhey all zhink I am zhe devil... a demon... just because my looks aren't zheir perfection. My red eyes and my vhite hair.. I do not match even my parents. Even zhey hate me. So for all intents and purposes I have no parents."**

His own parents hated him? Alibinism is a rare trait, but it wasn't exactly their fault. Everyone was subject to it as their genes were created... Yet it seemed this society ahted him for something so rare. "I don't think your parents hate you Gilbert... They just dont understand how beautiful you are."

Gilbert;s pale face reddened a little. **"You don't udnerstand, Matzhew... Zhey are zhe vorst... I have to spend zhe most time vis zhem... and zhey do hate me. Zhis whole town hates me... zhey all vant me dead. Zhey say I have been kissed by zhe devil, and possessed by him... "**

"..What exactly do they do that's worse than burning you?" Matthew asked, though once it was answered, he wished he didn't ask.

 **" Zhey have already burned me, but zheir knives cut into me every day. Zhey have branded me, yet it heals and zhey do it again. I fear zhey will remove my eyes completely one day.. i try to valk zhrough town and zhe ozhers... zhey zhrow zheir knives at me... and rocks. A lot of zhem hit me as I don't see zhem coming, and they all cut into my skin. "** Gilbert curled up in Matthew's lap. It was strange how he trusted a total stranger so, but Matthew was the only one to stand up for him..

Matthew felt like there was a hole in his stomach. "O-oh..."

 **"...zhat isn't even zhe vorst part... "**

Oh maple, there's more... "Oh?"

 **"...i feel like I have zhe vorst luck in zhe vorld... "** He said softly. The child's body shook a little, as if his whole being feared what had happened. He felt strange spilling his heart out to this man, but it felt like he could trust him **. "Everyzhing breaks vhen I am around it. Anyzhing discarded by zhe locals hits me, no matter vhere i am. Mirrors break, and zhe plates... Everyzhing... It vouldn't surprise me if I got struck by lightning someday. God hates me... i only vanted to serve him vis zhe Teutonic Knights, but I zhink God vouldn't like zhat very much... Vhy else vould he make me... so different.."**

 _"Oh this? You remember what I'm afraid of, right? This is the one scar that never heals."_

Thats right... Gilbert was... But the way he talked now, it hadn't happened. Will it? "You want to be apart of the Teutonic Order? Even after all they've done to you? "

Gilbert looked up at Matthew, his crimson and indigo eyes bright under the light of the moon. " **Ja... I feel if I serve God, he may forgive me for zhe vay I look.. If God forgives me, zhen the people may forgive me.."**

Matthew lowered his eyes to stare at Gilbert, his own blue-violet eyes seeming to shine in the shadowed features that lined his face. He was silent, merely enjoying the look of the child's eyes. "...you don't have any friends, do you?"

Gilbert just shook his head **. "No... I can only find solice in zhe trees and zhe birds... zhey are zhe only creatures zhat do not mind me being around..."**

"...If you don't mind me asking, do you have a canary?" Matthew asked, lifting his head to look around.

 **"No... vhy vould I? Not even zhe birds stick around. Zhey only stay vhenever I play zhe flute..."**

Oh... so Gilbird wasn't around yet. How far back had he actually gone? **"Vait, hush-"** Gilbert said, scrambling to his feet. He ran to the nearest tree and peeked around the corner, noticing that in the field nearby the treeline, the group of Teutonic Knights had gathered, starting to fan out in search for the boy. **"...Ve must go.. Zhey can't find me..."** He quickly turned around and started running back toward the trees, past Matthew, ebfore he turned around and looked at him, noticing he was now standing. **"...Matzhew...Vill you stay vis me..."** he asked, holding out one of his smaller hands toward the Canadian.

Matthew was silent for a moment, holding his hands close to his chest. Normally, he would jump at the opportunity, but would it affect history any? He didn't exactly... belong here.

 **"...Please."**

His breath caught. It was rare enough for Gilbert to be so pleading back where he was.. but the child looked like he needed someone. giving him a soft smile, he pushed his glasses back up his nose, and grabbed the child's hand. "Okay.."

Gilbert grinned and started to run again, dragging along the Canadian deeper into the trees. It was strange... was it getting darker? The trees got thicker and thicker... until he no longer felt like he was running on a solid surface..

...And Gilbert was no longer there.


	6. Moonlight

Painfully, air filled his lungs and his body jolted upward. Slowly the blue filled room came into view as his eyes adjusted from the darkness of sleep. Matthew put a hand to his head, tunneling his fingers into his blond hair as he curled up slightly. Was that a dream...?

His blue-violet eyes turned to stare at the sleeping albino next to him, and he couldn't help but notice he wasn't being faced. His eyes ran mentally ran over the scars on his back, including the jagged and painful looking on nearest his spine.

 _"I've tried to convince myself that it was a rare chance that it happened, but it doesn't stop the fear."_

He tried to slow his heart rate down as he shakily reached out, his fingers tracing the air along the jagged scar.

 _ **"it vouldn't surprise me if I got struck by lightning someday.."**_

Matthew withdrew his hand. He had to have been in the past... there was no other explaination.

He glanced over at the window to the room, noticing that there was in fact moonlight. Which was good. He needed to go outside. He quickly snatched his glasses from the nightstand, slipping them onto his nose.

Slipping out of the bed, careful not to wake the man he slept beside, he quietly left the room, crossing the carpetted floors until he reached the front door, where he exited as quietly as he could.

Once outside, he exhaled, taking a few steps into the grass as his eyes never left the moon. It was so pretty, and felt like the same that illuminated the dream.. or the past area. It still felt like a dream.

He kept quiet for the most part, but a small noise from next to him caught his attention, his head lowering from the moon to stare at the canary that normally hung around Gilbert. He smiled and held out a finger for him to perch on, lightly petting the chick's breast of feathers. "Did i wake you.." he asked softly.

Judging by the cooing of the canary's reaction to petting, he could only assume the bird was already awake. It was hard to tell with him whether he was tired or not. Matthew just smiled, sitting down on the grass while absently petting Gilbird. His blue violet eyes turned away from the canary to once again stare at the moon.

So round and so bright..

The sign had asked him if he could read his lover's thoughts. But when he tried it, he didn't read anything. If what he'd pieced together was true, he actually left elsewhere. But he woke up in the same bed.. what on earth could have happened. Everything seemed so real.

The smell of smoke; the touch of Gilbert's hand... all of it.

He stopped petting the canary to stare at his palm. It didn't look any different, and yet he could feel the child's hand in his, if ever so faintly. Was it real.. His mind couldn't seem to grasp the concept of time travel. No matter how he convinced himself otherwise, he would always remember it as a dream.

Isn't that the funny thing, memories.. Even if the action took place 5 minutes ago, or 5 months ago, it's hard to tell if your consciousness had made it up, or if it actually happened. Sometimes, living day to day can seem like a dream.

He shut his eyes, letting out a soft exhale as he shifted his position, getting comfortable in the grass. "Was that real..." he whispered.

"Is what real." answered a familiar voice. Gilbird peeped, jumping off Matthew's hand to fly over to his albino friend, perching happily in his messy hair. Matthew whirled around at the sound of his voice, putting his palm on the grass to keep him staring back behind him.

"G-gil! I.. I didn't w-wake you did I..?" he asked nerviously. He wouldn't forgive himself if it was him that woke his husband up instead of the dream.

Gilbert just shook his head, crossing the lawn in two long strides before sitting down next to Matthew, putting an arm around his shoulder to bring him close. "No.. but I'll be fine, don't worry."

 _"Don't worry..."_

"Sorry, Gilbert... I know y-you haven't been sleeping well... I..I just thought ...well.. " Matthew leaned against him, his heart racing everytime Gilbert brought him close, the warm smell of honey coming off him as the breeze gently blew at them. Matthew's face flushed gently. "I thought you.. you could use your t-time alone... you know."

"You know I never want to be without you birdie.. you mean the world to me. " Gilbert whispered, his dual-coloured irises staring into the blue-violet of his husband before a hand came up and cupped his chin, tilting his head a little upward.

"Th-then why don't.. you tell me what's going o-on..." he whispered back. Gilbert shifted his gaze, but never let go of Matthew's face.

"It's hard... I can't explain it. It's.. It's these dreams. I can't shake them." He finally said.

"Th-then let me help... tell me what you can... about them. I c-can-" he was silenced by a soft kiss from Gil, who shut his eyes.

Matthew's eyes widened momentarily, before shutting completely as he melted into Gil's soft lips. He prefered soft kisses over deeper, more passion filled ones, and it seems Gilbert gave the best ones.

The kiss seemed to end all too quickly, leaving Matthew's head floating in the clouds.

"I can't...what I dream about is something nobody should know. I will tell you everything else in the world, but my memory is mine to keep. "

Gilbert's words brought him back to reality and he inhaled a little, his eyes opening fully. Even to his husband, he would keep the past hidden. Perhaps it's for the best.. if what he saw was true, his past is not something he'd be proud of. Matthew worried over the child Gilbert far more than he should be doing, but that was just his nature. He was a gentle soul that worried like nobody's business. He could take care of himself and defend his family properly just fine, but fighting for the heck of it wasn't his style. That was more his Alfred and Gilbert's thing. He was positive Ludwig did the same.

He looked away and nodded slowly. "...O-oh..." he whispered. It was hard to hide the overwhelming disappointment the Canadian currently felt, and Gilbert made a face of distress, before he hugged Matthew close.

"Don't be like that, Matthew... I just.. i don't like what my childhood was like, and to tell of my past is to subjugate them to my torment, essentially. " Matthew thought it was weird to listen to Gilbert talk the way he had been in the past week. No 'awesome' this or 'reckless' that. Gilbert was just...

...lost. Matthew shut his eyes, pulling himself closer into Gilbert. He never wanted to be let go.. but they had to seperate eventually. Against his better judgement, he got a bit too relaxed into Gilbert's grip.. and he started to doze off. "Mmh-... okay." he mumbled. Gilbert pulled him onto his lap, cradling him ever so gently as he watched the Canadian fall asleep in his arms. He pulled off Matthew's glasses and set them in the grass, just happily staring at the relaxed featured of his face; the grooves and contours where the muscles layered themselves.

The last thing Matthew felt before finally succumbing to the darkness, was Gilbert's hand on his head, his fingers tunneling themselves into his hair. Gilbert knew better, and he deftly avoided the taunting curl that refused to be tamed..


	7. Spring Breeze

For once, the Canadian had a dreamless sleep. the darkness of his mind let his thoughts scramble and fester, only making his sleep more stressful.

When he finally woke up, he noticed there was a ceiling above his head, which wasn't there when he fell asleep. The second, was the lighting.

He sat up in his bed and put a hand to his head, pulling back his hair from his face as he looked around the room, his vision blurred. His blue-violet eyes looked around in search for his glasses, which was set on the nightstand beside him, next to the undisturbed bottle of pink liquid. He could at least make out that much..

Carefully sliding the glasses onto his nose, he finally noticed a third thing.

There was nobody else in the room.

He slid out of the bed, stepping silently on the floors as he desperately searched for his husband, and with each empty room discovered, his worry only grew. He held himself ever tighter, his search growing more frantic, until he heard the soft tunes of a flute outside.

He quickly ran to a window closest to the sounds, to find Gilbert sitting in the grass, wearing one of Matthew's own red flannel shirts. He exhaled, his heart calming down now that his husband had been located. He blushed softly when he noticed the clothing he was wearing, but gave a gentle smile as he tuned into the music Gilbert played.

Gathered in front of the albino was a variety of birds, simply listening to his music, and staying silent and still, despite being around a stranger. There was just something magical about the way he played...

Matthew closed his eyes as he listened to the tune, leaning into his hands, against he open windowsill. Each note played flowed with the gentle breeze across the Canadian fields, through the trees that surrounded them. The way the pine needles, and the oak leaves flowed with the breeze made it seem like the trees were dancing with the flow of the slow, calming music.

All too soon, the music stopped as the albino leaned back on his hands in the grass, looking up at the partially clouded sky. Despite the music having ended, the birds stayed beside him, huddling around his form in comfort.

The soft breeze that flowed gently through the trees encircled the albino's body, shifting his hair and his clothes, almost as if the earth was thanking him for the music.

With a soft _whump_ , Gilbert fell onto his back, startling several of the birds and sending them off into the skies. Once everything settled, the only bird who remained was the canary Gilbird who was around his friend since the beginning of time, it seems.

Matthew, taking relaxed steps, made his way to the outside, where Gilbert rested in the grass, his dulled crimson eyes staring up at the sky. He brought his arms up behind his head as he looked up, watching the clouds slowly inch across the pale blue sky. His gaze shifted to his husband when he came into view and a soft smile was given. Matthew sat down next to him, pulling Gilbert's head into his lap.

"Enjoying y..yourself?" he asked, to which Gilbert nodded.

"The morning is calm today.. Did I wake you?" he asked, lifting the hand that held his flute up a little.

Matthew shook his head, the back of his fingers gently petting Gilbert's cheek. "No.. " he replied simply. Gil shut his eyes, adoring the simple touches of affection Matthew was giving him.

He didn't feel like he deserved such kindness. his past was a mess and his present was filled with lies, and an ego that could only be matched by Alfred. Perhaps that's what drew the Canadian to him... or the other way around. It was hard to tell whether or not Gilbert liked Matthew first, or vice versa.

Matthew used to be so shy, despite Gil's outgoing personality. Yet, he hung around Gil willingly. Almost begging for his attention every time he was around. It was hard for Matthew to show that kind of emotions outwardly, but it seemed so natural, and so right, when Gil was around.

Over their time together, Matthew's stutter and shyness started to disappear. Even around others that weren't family, he was more open, and it was wonderful. People started to notice him. What's more, when Gilbert was alone, he noticed that when they talked, Gilbert had the accent. One he normally didn't hear when they were around others. The younger Gilbert seemed to speak it naturally, regardless of who was around.

He was curious when that changed..

"What's on your mind birdie?" Gilbert's voice called him out of his thoughts and he looked down at his husband, who never lost his smile.

Matthew blushed softly. "It's n-nothing.. it it...is a nice morning..like you s-said.."

 _"Du bist ein schlechter Lügner."_ He muttered, reaching up with his free hand to lightly cup Matthew's cheek.

Matthew flushed a bit, thoroughly enjoying the German he spoke. There was a way that Gil spoke it, different to his brother, that he loved to hear..

"Wh-what did you...say?" he asked.

"You're a terrible liar. What's going on in your head, _Vogel_?" Again, with the German. He knew this one though, was the nickname Gil gave him.

"It's nothing.. I'm j-just worried about..you." He looked away.

"...I noticed your stutter returned. Is everything okay? Was it something i did?"

 _Yes_. "no...it's fine...Really." He smiled.

Gil frowned a little, still looking up at him. "It's because of me, isn't it."

 _Yes._ "No. Seriously, it's.. it's fine.."

"You're lying to me again."

Matthew grew quiet. How was it this hard to just tell him. Yes, it's your fault. It's because you won't talk to me. It's all your fault.

Gilbert sat up from Matthew's lap and put both hands around Matthew's face, forcing him to look up at the tired man. They sat in silence, listening to the soft breeze around them. Gil was studying Matthew's features carefully, trying to discern what was bugging the Canadian without words, but having no luck, he released Matthew before pulling him into his lap, cradling him gently. "I'm sorry."

Matthew's breath hitched and he shut his eyes tightly as Gil's words cut him deeply. He knew.. right? He leaned into Gil and exhaled a little. Gil had a smaller frame in comparison to his brother and Matthew was even smaller than that, but the both of them were stronger than they looked. Still, it felt comforting just to have Gilbert hold onto him. The soft scent of honey mixing well with the syrup that hung around his home and his form..

"It...yes." he finally admitted. "It is your fault. We used to be so open and you woudl tell me everything, but since these nightmares started, you've distanced yourself from everyone. Even me... I'm here to help you, you know. " He said flawlessly. Gilbert looked down at him, before putting his head to the others.

"...I know. i know you want to help, birdie, this is just one thing that can't be changed. My nightmares are of my past, and they didn't used to bother me as much as they are."

Matthew shut his eyes, not wanting to look at Gil. Of course his past hurt, but past is past. It helps those learn and grow. If it didn't hurt, you would never change.

" **nobody stands up to zhem.."** His eyes flew open at the sound of the child's voice in his mind. " **one day I hope god can forgive me.."**

"Your accent is gone too." he said softly. Gilbert just chuckled.

"Yeah, I noticed that too. "

Gilbert pulled away from Matthew and just held him in silence, staring off into the distance. "Last night... was weird. I don't understand it, but.. it felt different than my normal dreams were. "

"O-oh?" Matthew asked. His heart started to race. Was it because of the potion? Had he really gone back in time... or was it simply Gilbert's dreams? Everything still seemed alright in the present time, and it didn't seem like Gilbert quite understood what had happened. It had to have been a dream.

Gil nodded, staring off into the distance. " It wasn't as my nightmares normally felt. The.. darkness that normally engulfs my mind wasn't there. I still didn't sleep well, if at all, but it wasn't as dark. " He shut his eyes momentarily, before looking down at Matthew, who had started to blush.

 _Oh god oh god what if he mentions I was there. Did he even know I was there? please just have been a dream quirk. Please don't be mad._

"It was nice. I hope tonight is the same.. Maybe i can get a bit more sleep." he chuckled weakly. Matthew relaxed a little before sitting up in his lap to turn, now facing the albino with his legs stradling his hips. His hands lightly touched Gilbert's shoulders as he stared at him momentarily, his face burying itself in Gilbert's neck after the moment was up. Gil just chuckled and held onto Matthew, his hand lightly rubbing Matthew's back. "You alright?" he asked softly.

" _Je t'aime..."_ Matthew whispered. Gilbert held him tighter, knowing very little French. He only knew what Matthew was teaching him, but he'd been around both him and Francis long enough to know that meant I love you.

" _Ich liebe dich auch, Vogel_." He responded, before they both grew quiet.

It was Matthew who pulled back first, and started up a gentle and longing kiss between them.


	8. Musicals

"Gilbert!" Matthew called from the living room. "It's musical night.. right? What movie did you, ah want to watch today?"

The albino returned from the kitchen, running a hand through his hair momentarily. The other hand held a mug with what could either be tea, or coffee. Either way, it smelled of syrup. A little sweet tasting trick Matthew always did absently seemed to have rubbed off on Gilbert. He took a small sip of it as he crossed the room to sit on the couch. His dulled crimson eyes watched his husband carefully, as if trying to decide.

"...We haven't watched that one in awhile.." he mumbled to himself, before closing his eyes. "Hmm... yeah, Let's watch the Opera." he said aloud.

Matthew's eyes lit up in hearing the response. He was hoping his other would say that. He started to grin as he pulled it off the shelf and put it in the DVD player. Almost immediately after, he joined Gilbert on the couch, laying against him to get comfortable. Gil wrapped an arm around him, holding the mug against the arm of the couch as he held Matthew, keeping it away from being spilled.

As the music began in the beginning, Matthew lost focus almost immediately. He loved the movie, and he knew Gilbert did too, but he wondered just how long it's been since they did this. They made plans every week to watch one musical, regardless of how stupid other countries thought it was. Each musical was a different one, from different countries and nationalities, but since he started having these nightmares, they skipped out last week.

He was thankful his other was feeling well enough to watch them again, to spend some time with himself tuning out the music, and the rest of the world. He missed being held by him, missed his gentle touches, and his unconscious petting. Back before the nightmares started, he used to sing to the songs he knew, regardless of his ability to actually sing. Especially with this movie.

He chuckled softly, gaining Gilbert's attention, as he remembered when Gil would disappear at times to change costumes, then dramatically show up whenever that particular character started their lines. He would play both the Phantom, and Raoul at the same time in some circumstances.. Matthew himself was always Christine. He even had the dress. Gil said he had Austria and Hungary make it for him, just so they could both be in character as much as possible.

The both adored this movie.

 _"Was ist los, Ahorn Vogel?"_ Gilbert asked, which made Matthew blink in surprise. Ahorn? what did that mean?

"...What did you call me?" He asked. "I mean, i recognize the vogel part, but what is the word before it?"

Gilbert chuckled, taking a sip of the liquid. Must have been coffee, now that he could smell it. "Maple. You're my maple bird now."

Maple bird... that was so much more... personal, than simply birdie. Matthew flushed softly, but he couldn't help but smile. Even in the exhaustion he was certainly feeling, Gilbert could still be sweet. And that was wonderful.

"Regardless, I also asked if everything was alright. You laughed, and Carlotta hasn't even messed up yet." Gil spoke again, looking down at Matthew.

He looked up at him, their eyes meeting and he grew silent for a moment. "..I'm fine. I was just thinking is all. I'm glad you're doing this again... "

Gilbert just nodded. He'd noticed that Matthew's stutter was gone, but he didn't want to mention it. He was happy just hearing his husband speak at all, regardless of the verbal irregularities he sometimes had.

The movie just continued with the both of them sitting in silence. Neither of them were standing and dancing around, neither were singing to the tunes they knew so well.. they were just enjoying the performances and songs the musical had to offer. However, being so enamoured by the projection on the television, neither heard the creeping of another inside the house, sneaking closer and closer to the pair.

The figure stopped when Gilbert turned away from the movie to look behind them. Even in his exhaustion, his senses weren't entirely gone. He knew someone was there... or maybe it was just his imagination. He glanced around the area behind them, scanning for any movement, but finding none that couldn't be written off as shadow-play, he focused back on the movie.

Silently, the man sighed, before movie closer and closer... until he found the perfect opportunity! The chandalier falls as the hidden figure jumped over the couch, scaring Matthew to the point where he shreiked. Gilbert just tensed up, before glaring at the newcomer.

"Alfred, you _Scheißekopf_! You know better than to do that!" Gilbert yelled.

The American just laughed until Matthew calmed down enough to throw a couch pillow at him. "You should know better than to use the spare key! It's for emergencies only!" Matthew yelled, which was rare for him and his quiet nature.

Alfred beamed, sliding to sit next to matthew, who moved closer to Gilbert to make room. "Yeah but I just couldn't help it. You guys were so into this stupid musical that it would have been stupid not to take the chance! Haha you should have seen your face, bro!" He laughed again, earnign another pillow to the face. Matthew huffed, looking back toward the screen.

"What are you even doing here, Alfred.. Why don't you bug Arthur or Francis or something.. you know we don't like to be disturbed." Gilbert muttered, glaring at the American across the couch. Alfred's bright blue eyes seemed... brighter in the lighting.

"Yeah just here to bug you and my little bro, why am I not allowed to do that anymore now that ya'll are married? What a bummer, man, that's so unfair. He's my little bro before he's your husband." he huffed, bringing his hands in in mock dismay.

Matthew huffed in disapproval."Not like you ever came to see me before anyway.. Always too busy with your friends to see me... or even know I was there. None of you ever noticed me. But he did. " He nuzzled into Gilbert a little. "I went to your meetingsand world conferences..and nobody ever saw me, or asked my opinion. Those who did just thought I was you. You know how much trouble you get in? Do you know how many people take out their rage on me because you've pissed them off? Too many! "Matthew now sat up, facing Alfred, who's smile was long since faded.

"Bro, I didn't-" He started, but Matthew cut him off.

"Don't bro me! I got into several fights with that man from Cuba, all because you pissed him off! I.. i would eventually convince him that I wasn't you, but it's harder everytime, just because we share the same face! there are times when I hate being your twin.. " He finally stopped, looking away from Alfred.

It was rare for him to speak out like this, even in his most angered state. What exactly caused this outburst..? Gilbert was no longer focusing on the movie, but instead, his husband and brother-in-law. When Matthew finally stopped speaking, he set the mug down and swrapped his arms around the other, bringing him close. Matthew just sighed gently, leaning into Gilbert.

Alfred was struck silent, something very rare for him. One would consider it rare for Gil too, but considering how little sleep he'd been getting the past week, it was more commonplace than before.

"...I..I'm sorry Mattie. I didn't mean it like that. I was just teasin, ya know. I came by today because nobody has seen you, or your demon for awhile..And you guys are always out and about. Just wanted to check up on ya.."

Only Alfred could call Gilbert a demon and get away with it. It didn't seem Gilbert minded all too often when the others called him names. As if it didn't bug him anymore. He said it used to bug him to the point where he'd beat it out of the other, until they addressed him properly, but those he knew personally, he didn't mind so much when being called names. However, 'demon' was only Alfred's term. Gilbert wouldn't let anyone else call him that.

Gil relaxed, feeling Matthew do the same, after Alfred spoke. "I hadn't thought anyone would miss us." he said softly.

Alfred leaned forward. "Are you kidding? You stand out no matter where you go, and with Mattie with you, it's hard to miss either of you!" he chuckled a little. "Is everything alright, man? You're not all smiles and 'look at me I'm awesome and more awesome than all of you' Like you normally are." He frowned.

Gilbert chuckled and nodded. "Other than getting practically no sleep for a little over a week now, I'm fine. Matthew's been taking care of me, hence why he hasn't been out much. I just... I don't want anyone to see me like this. I pick enough fights as is, and if anyone noticed how exhausted I am... well, it may not end alright. Not to mention my brother would be on my ass about it." he lightly stroked Matthew's head, who calmed further.

Alfred put a hand to his chin in thought, before nodded in reply. "I see. Alright, your secret is safe with me, dude. I'll make sure everyone knows you're alright!" he gave a thumb's up to the other, who just nodded in return.

"I know musicals really aren't your thing, but do you want to stay and watch it with us?" Gil asked. Matthew looked up at his husband pleadingly, as if begging him not to actually ask that.

"Nah, that's your thing. Mattie was always a lover of musicals. Not enough action in my opinion. I could never find the story through all that gushy music. Like, who's the hero! Why isn't he saving the day!" Alfred stood up. Matthew let out a silent sigh, thankful Alfred declined.

Alfred was met with silence from the two. The next thing to happen was the sound of glass hitting the floor, and shattering. Both Alfred and Matthew looked over at Gilbert in surprise, and worry, to notice the albino had fallen limp underneath Matthew, his body leaning over the arm of the couch just slightly. Matthew panicked a bit, sitting upward. "Gilbert?!" he shouted, putting an ear to the albino's chest, then softly exhaling.

"...He's asleep." he said softly.

"Just like that? Light's out?" Alfred asked, relaxing after he spoke. "Wow, I wish I could do that."

"That's not a good thing, Al." Matthew muttered, before pulling Gil to relax against the couch in a more comfortable position.

"Sorry bro. I guess I'll leave you guys alone then, lest I wake him up." He chuckled, making his way to the door. "See ya, Mattie."

Matthew waved him off, before he left to the kitchen to fetch a broom. He needed to clean up the glass before anyone stepped in it.. or fell on it.

As he worked to clean up the mess of glass and coffee, he had to wonder. What made Gil just fall asleep like that? There wasn't any sign of him being as tired as instant unconsciousness during the conversation, or the movie. Even then, if he felt tired, he would have set the cup on the table. Gilbert was too meticulous about a clean home than to risk spilling, and staining, the floor. Maybe the lack of sleep was finally getting to his mind.

Now that he was asleep, Matthew stared back toward their room, and thought about the bottle of liquid. Should he try again? Maybe... the second time he could figure out just what was happening. He didn't want Gil to be mad at him though. Germans were scary when they were angry. He'd only ever seen Gilbert enraged once, and it was in defense of himself. Some of the local Canadians were picking on them both, and he got protective.

He remembered Ludwig saying something about Gilbert being a protective older brother. As Ludwig grew up, Gil kept a close eye on those that wanted to be friends with him, and made sure his little brother would stay out of trouble. Anyone who would try to pick on them would get a lashing.

He glanced back down at Gilbert, who looked rather peaceful in his sleep, despite knowing he was actually feeling quite the opposite, and gave a gentle sigh. It..wouldn't hurt to try again..

When the floor was cleaned up and everything was put away, he shut off the movie and the television, before making his way toward the bedroom, taking careful steps to avoid waking the other. Once inside, he grabbed the bottle and stared at the glittery pink liquid. Why did it smell of strawberries, and taste.. so much like almonds. He hated almonds.

Gripping the bottle tighter, he went back out to Gilbert, and knelt beside him. He would be a lot comfier if he layed ontop of the other, but he wasn't sure if that would disturb the sleeping man, or not.

He lightly touched Gilbert's head with his free hand, moving some of his messy hair from his face. So much bothered the man, yet he showed so little. He acted so carefree.. it was worrying, yet comforting.

He loved this man and everything that came with him.

Uncorking the bottle, he quickly took a swig, forcing down the foul tasting liquid and plugging the bottle back up. Did it get nastier?!

He shook his head, a shiver escaping him as he tried to get rid of the taste, but to no avail. Quickly, the liquid began to take affect, and he felt himself drifting off, only to fall to the side, laying on the floor next to the couch as the darkness overtook his mind.


	9. Lightning

At first, there was darkness. A familiar darkness of the mind that would often lull one into peaceful dreams. It was peaceful and it was quiet.

However, the familiarity didn't last long, and the sounds of yelling, and a child screaming was heard in the distance.

Matthew's eyes flew open and he inhaled sharply, noticing he was staring up at the stars, and the smell of dew kissed grass was around him. He sat upright quickly, letting his eyes adjust as much as they could without his glasses on. When he noticed his vision was blurred, he felt around the grassy area until he found the discarded lenses, and he wiped them dry with his red sweater before slipping them onto his nose.

Had any time passed between the last time he was here, and now? It was hard to tell.. Everything was still black as a night could be, save for the stars in the sky.

He rubbed at his head a little as he stood upright. Where was he...? Slowly he turned in a circle, until he noticed the gray bricked buildings in the distance. To his left, the forest was in view. So he wasn't far from where he was the last time.

In the distance toward the town, the child's cries of pain was heard again, and Matthew immediately sprinted toward the sound. "Please don't let that be Gil.." he muttered as he ran.

The closer he got to the town, the easier it was to see a large cross on one of the buildings had a small figure attatched to it, who looked to be struggling to get off, and a larger, more adult, figure standing next to it. The rest of the crowd gathered at the base of the building.

He slid to a stop just outside the crowd. He was now close enough to see the child figure was indeed the albino he'd grown to care for. He tensed up a bit as he watched Gil struggle against the binds of the cross.

 **"Let me go!"** he shouted. **"Zhis isn't right!"**

"Silence, you devil!" shouted the man to his side, lifting what looked to be a whip above his head before flicking it at the child, who cried out after the crack licked his skin.

He was scared. Gil was crying up on the cross, and he was absolutely frightened, but he would never stop struggling. Matthew could only watch from below helplessly at the child was tortured, far beyond his reach. **"Vhy must you do zhis to me! I only ever vanted God's approval! Yet he's zhe one who made me zhis vay!"** Gil shouted through tears.

The crack of the whip again made him scream.

"It is not up to us what happens to you! You are here tonight to have God cast his own judgement upon you! It was tasked to us to get you, now it's up to him to decide whther you are worthy of living, or damned to Hell for Eternity!" The man removed a book from his sleeve. It wasn't exactly... It didn't look like any Bible Matthew had seen before, but instead was closer to the sort of book that Arthur would keep on hand.

It made him start to think..

"O, Holy Lord, who art in Heaven! We beg of you to cast out this demon from our sacred grounds!" He started, flipping open the book to hold it above his head.

Gilbert stopped struggling, now too afraid to say anything, and instead he let his head fall, staring down at the crowd.

For a moment, it looked like their eyes met.. bright blue-violet catching the dual crimson-indigo of the other. Gil's breath caught slightly. It couldn't be.. he thought Matthew was just his imagination.

 **"MATZHEW!"** he called, starting to struggle again, completely ignoring the man beside him **. "MATZHEW PLEASE HELP!"**

His ignorance was his mistake. As the man continued to pray and chant to the heavens, electricity began to gather in the clouds above them, the dark gray masses blocking out any possible light. Gilbert watched in horror as a single bolt of lightning hit the ground nearby, and his head lifted up to watch the clouds gather more energy and electricity.

Matthew jumped back, away from the bolt that struck dangerously close to him. Was today... was this the reason he was so afraid in his time?

He looked back at Gilbert, who wasn't as scared as he was older. It had to be.. his fear. It stemmed from this.

Matthew started to cry out for Gil up on the cross but to his dismay, the moment he took a breath to shout, another bolt came down from the cloud, aimed for the cross and the child on it. Gilbert cried out as loud as his lungs were capable of doing as the seering pain of the hot electricity coursed through him.

When the bolt dispersed, the child hung limp from the cross.

 _"It wasn't just once."_

 _"Scars like this wouldn't develop if it was just once."_

"GIL!" Matthew shouted, noticing the crowd had started to cheer. _You bloody pissants... how dare you cheer for the death of a child_.. He thought. He growled in anger, but his eyes never left the sky. Two.. there had to be two. Gil had said there was two!

...but where was the second?

The man next to the cross reached out with a gloved hand to lift up the limp head of the child, noticing he was not breathing in the slightest.

"The deed is done my friends! The demon has been cast down to Hell!" He dropped the child's head carelessly, closing the book. "God has cast his judgement on this demon! Let this be a lesson to heretics!" he shouted, his arms spreading wide.

The cheers continued as the crowd began to disperse.

"NO! IT CANT BE OVER YET! THIS ISNT HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO END!" Matthew shouted, surprising himself. The crowd was now facing him, most of them looking in surprise. Several of them wore masks, like his friend Sadik, which was a mite frightening.

"And who are you to decide what judgement that God passes isn't the end?" Called the man from on the cross.

"It doesn't matter! He's a child! This isn't how it ends! I've seen this child grow, and now I know why he's so afraid! It's all your fault! " He cried.

The longer Gil stayed dead.. the more complications there would be with his body. Where was that second bolt...

Matthew tensed up, crouching a little toward the ground.

 _"...It's going to rain. We should get inside."_

 _"But Gil, why? A little rain never hurt anyone."_

 _"Perhaps not, but that never stopped it from trying."_

Everytime there was even a chance of rain, the albino would make his way inside, and trap himself in his room. It wasn't until Kiku's party that he ever found out why.

* * *

" _Gil.. what's wrong? You look tense?" Matthew asked, looking over at the albino who held the orante cup rather tightly._

 _Ludwig and Feliciano both glanced at each other, as if they knew what was happening. "Bruder, let's get you elsevhere.." Ludwig muttered, standing up from the area the small party was sitting at._

 _Kiku looked over at them in question, but never voiced it, merely giving a slight nod. "If you must go deeper into my home, there is an unoccupied room down the hall. It's rather dark."_

 _Ludwig nodded, crossing to help up Gilbert, but his actions were too slow. The room filled with a bright light, and the sound of breaking glass was heard, just before the crack of thunder. Both Ludwig and Matthew tensed, knowing full well what caused it. The albino was shaking as broken glass pierced his hand, and littered the ground below, mixing the sweetened tea with blood. He stood up with his brother's help, making his way to the kitchen._

 _Matthew had never seen the proud German act so... frightened. He would never stop smiling, hiding away most emotions from the world. He stood and followed both Germans into the kitchen as Ludwig started to remove the larger shards of glass from his brother's hand. "What's going on.. " Matthew asked softly. Still not used to being around Ludwig at all._

 _The German glanced toward the other, his piercing blue eyes filled with worry. "It's my Bruder. Don't you vorry about him. Ve vill get him all fixed up, zhen ve vill hide him."_

 _Unlike Gil, Ludwig never lost his accent._

" _No.. I want to know what's wrong. Why is he so scared all of a s-sudden... Gil never acts like this." He urged._

 _Ludwig paused in his tending of his brother, before putting a long cloth over Gil's eyes. He then turned to face Matthew, his form straight and tense. "You've noticed it, zhough. Doesn't he hide vhen it rains? He refrains from being outside, ja?"_

 _Matthew didn't like it when Ludwig glared at him like that, but he nodded."I..I just assumed he didn't like the rain.. like it brought back p-painful memories or something.. or.. or he didn't..like getting wet?"_

" _You couldn't be furzher from zhe truzh. It is not zhe rain he is scared of, but what is usually paired vis it. You cannot tell anyone, is zhat understood?" he barked._

 _Matthew winced and nodded. "Oui!" he squeaked, his body standing straight under the German's glare._

" _Nobody knows vhy, but ve never asked. If he should be vis you, zhen you need to keep him out of zhe rain. Keep him occupied vis somezhing so he doesn't notice zhe lightning. If you cannot, zhen hide him in a dark room, or cover his eyes." he ordered._

" _Oui!" Matthew gave a salute, shaking a little. Ludwig watched him carefully, before his form relaxed._

" _...Sorry, Matzhew. I didn't mean it like zhat. My Bruder is all I have. I vant his safety as he does mine. I didn't mean to yell at you." He refocused on getting out the glass in his hand, which was rather hard considering Gilbert was shaking._

 _Matthew relaxed a little, before crossing the room to stand next to Gilbert. The poor albino looked like he was going ot collapse at any moment with how pale he looked. Well, he was normally pale, but this was overdoing it. Matthew slid up onto the counter and pulled Gilbert's head into his chest, lightly stroking the temporarily blinded man's head. "Chut maintenant . Tout ira bien. Nous sommes ici et rien ne pourra vous nuire . Votre famille est là pour vous protéger." He whispered to the other, who relaxed into the Canadian's grip._

 _This relaxation helped still his body, which let Ludwig finish his task. When Gil felt his hand was let go, he turned and held onto Matthew tightly, like a child would a teddy bear. He didn't even care that the cloth covered his eyes to hide him from the lightning that stuck in the distance. He could smell the syrup coming from the Canadian, and he relished in it._

 _Gilbert shivered slightly. "Ich kann es nicht annehmen. Ich kann es nicht annehmen. Lass mich nicht alleine!"_

 _Matthew just stroked his head, wishing he knew German at all._

* * *

"This isn't how it's supposed to end! He can't be dead!" Matthew shouted.

The man laughed again. "You keep saying that, but you have no proof. The demon is dead, and there's nothing you can do about it. Unless you want to join him?" He offered. The crowd that remained got on the offensive, moving closer to Matthew, who took a small step back. Damn, if he didn't have a stick.

"The sky!"Matt shouted, making the others look up in surprise. "The sky still sparks! G-God isn't done!"

The man was honestly surprised, letting his hands drop as he watched the sky spark up, much as it had before. "What in the world..?" he started, just before a larger, more powerful bolt, struck the limp child on the cross directly on the back of his neck.

Gilbert screamed when the bolt disappeared. Everything hurt!

The man stood in surprise as he watched the child move again, against the cross. "..That... that's not possible."

"It is! God had forgiven him!" That's what he was supposed to say, right? To get through to them? "The first, ah, was to test the boy's soul. The second is the judgement he, ah cast!"

Gilbert relaxed against the cross, panting with wide eyes. **"I...I'm alive.. How... but.. how?"** he panted, looking over at the man, who backed up.

"N-no... you're still a demon.. he couldn't have forgiven you!"

" **You doubt the vord of.. God? Zhen you are... more of a demon... zhan me."** Gil smiled a little. **"All I vanted... vas to serve Him. To be a Teutonic...Knight. I zhought zhat.. I could earn his forgiveness... zhat vay. But it seemed you did zhat... for me."**

"You?! Be a Teutonic Knight! You must be crazy if you think I'd ever let you-"

"It's not your choice to decide." Matthew cut him off. "The Teutonic Order is God's will. If he let Gilbert live, them what harm could letting him serve the Lord himself cause?"

The man was silent for a moment, before looking up at the sky. The clouds were dispersing.

With a soft sigh, he started to untie Gilbert. "...I suppose if it's God's will to let you join under His command, who am I to doubt it. Welcome to the club, kid. You are now an honorary Teutonic Knight."

When Gil was let off the cross, he stretched his limbs, his body shaking a little. Two bolts of electricity would fry ones nerves.. He failed to notice the scar on his neck immediately, but instead kicked the man in the shin, jumping down off the roof.

Matthew ran forward and caught him before he could land, and their eyes met once again.

" **...Matzhew, I zhought you vere my imagination playing tricks on me. Mayhaps you are my guardian angel instead.. "** he smiled a little, his eyes bright. Matthew just smiled, glad he was alright, though hating himself that he couldn't stop this ceremony.

Maybe he couldn't, no matter what he wanted.

He hugged Gilbert close, lightly running his fingers over the scar, and causing the child to tense. "Oh- s-sorry." he quickly said, setting Gil down.

The albino dusted himself off and relaxed with a shudder. The man on the roof had long since jumped down, and carefully walked forward with a smaller version of his own outfit in his grip. It wasn't until he was this close that Matthew noticed the large black cross across his white cape. Gil started to smile eagerly as he was handed the uniform.

"Welcome to the Teutonic Order, Gilbert Beilschmidt." he said, kneeling down in front of the child.

The scene started to blur infront of Matthew's eyes, as his vision was failing, but before everything went black, he heard a voice. A deep male voice that seemed to be mixed with two others of various pitches.

 _ **Would you ever look at him the same, Matthew?**_

* * *

 _Chut maintenant . Tout ira bien. Nous sommes ici et rien ne pourra vous nuire . Votre famille est là pour vous protéger_.- **"hush now Everything will be alright. we are here and nothing will harm you. your family is here to protect you."**

 _Ich kann es nicht annehmen. ich kann es nicht annehmen. Lass mich nicht alleine.-_ **I can't take it. I can't take it. Don't leave me alone!**


	10. Calander

All at once, his body tensed up, air painfully filled his lungs, as if unused to the feeling, and his eyes flew open. However, he didn't move otherwise, staring directly up into the deep crimson of his husband, who appeared to be on the floor with him.

Matthew flushed softly as his words failed him, and they sat in silence, Gilbert towering over his frame, as either hand was beside his head, and the other man stradled his hips.

Gilbert seemed to be searching for words, or an explanation of some sort, as he stared down at the other. Under the heavy gaze, Matthew's face darkened further, and he let out a soft squeak.

At the noise of the other, Gilbert relaxed a little. "So.. you're not my imagination.." He mumbled.

" **I zhought you vere just my imagination playing tricks on me.."**

"W-why.. would I be your imagination.." Matthew softly replied. Gilbert still hadn't looked away, and he felt vulnerable under his gaze.

"...You look so cute when you sleep, did you know that.." Gilbert smiled, leaning down to give him a soft kiss before Matthew could cover his face with embarassment.

"Why would you say that?!" he squeaked when he could, looking up at the other. Gilbert went quiet again.

"...I couldn't tell.. if you were real or not when I woke up. A... a part of me thought that... you weren't. and I was scared to find out if it was right." He looked off for a moment, before leaning down, placing his head to the floor below, next to Matthew's.

"I'm so glad I was wrong.." he whispered.

Matthew's blush faded as he felt his heart pound. There were times when Gilbert was so sweet.. and other times when Matthew didn't want to be seen standing next to him. Yet he was his husband, and nothing could change that.

He chose to marry this man... And everything that came with him.

Matthew smiled a little, throwing his arms around Gilbert above him, and giving him a soft hug. "I will protect you from your dreams.." he whispered to the other, nuzzling against the side of his head. He was curious what the next nightmare would be, but not he noticed the first two, it was easier to help him through it.

Gil lifted his head. "...What do you mean?"

"Nobody has to hurt you anymore."

He sat up more, leaning on his arms again. "...Nobody has hurt me for a long time.. You don't have to worry about that."

They both grew quiet, staring at each other. He almost gave away his dream hopping.. what would Gil think... Matthew bit his lip softly.

The silence was broken by Gilbert's phone ringing elsewhere in the home. He has different ringtones for all their friends, but his brother's was quite strange. A German band with angry sounding lyrics...

Gilbert let out a soft sigh as he begrudgingly stood off Matthew, making his way to the phone. When Matthew finally sat up, he noticed the room was dark. Was it still night? They'd fallen asleep during the day, so it would make sense, especially with how little sleep Gilbert had been getting. Softly, he heard the German Gil spoke to his brother in, though he couldn't make out anything. One of the downsides of not knowing a language.. when your partner speaks it, you can't tell what they said.

The phone call didn't last long and Gil returned, looking paler than before.

"...Gil?" he asked, noticing Gilbert walking toward the couch, to sit down rather harshly. His mind was elsewhere it seems, and he was completely ignorant to the outside.

"...have the days really gone by so quickly?" he muttered to himself. Matthew tilted his head a little, hearing Gil's words, before he looked to the calender on the wall.

No matter how many he bought, there was always something that stayed the same. Each time the month of Novemeber rolled around, Gilbert would throw a knife into the ninth of the month. He never quite knew why, but whenever the day would come around, Gil would be gone the entire day, and he wouldn't return until the next day. Sometimes, even the day after.

Once he asked Gil what was so special about this day, but as usual, he would say nothing.

He would stand there in his Prussian blue, ornately decorated uniform, complete with white gloves, and hat, and merely mention that today would be the day he spends with his brother.

Though whenever he returned, be it the next day or the day after, he would break down, hugging his husband as tightly as he could, which would often render Matthew immobile and gasping for air. He would always smell of alcohol..

Matthew held out a hand to Gilbert, putting it on his husband's knee. "...It's the ninth, isn't it?"

Gilbert's silence could only prove him right. He buried his head in his hands. "..I can't... deal with it this time. I don't want to... It's too much." he mumbled.

What exactly was so important about the ninth of Novemeber! Everyone he asked would always avoid the question. Arthur, Francis, Kiku, even Ludwig. Everyone..

"Don't worry...I'll be here when you get back, like I always am, okay?"

The way Gilbert looked at him made his heart sink and he held his breath.

This was a look he'd never seen before. A look of pure despair. He looked lost before, but this was... deeper than that.

Apparently, the Ninth of Novemeber was a big deal.

"Wh-when do you have to leave?" He asked, breaking the silence, and making Gil look away.

"My brother wants me there as soon as possible. There's much to plan this time around." Matt looked off for a moment, before crawling forward, putting his head in the other's lap.

"I understand.." he mumbled. Gilbert lowered one hand, lightly stroking the other's hair in a soft petting motion. Matt closed his eyes and smiled gently. It was always nice to recieving pets from his husband..he always seemed to know just what felt good.

When the petting stopped, Matthew lifted his head and gaze to find his husband staring up at the ceiling. The other was being annoying quiet, and the heatbeat Matthew could hear in his ears wasn't helping the situation.

He exhaled softly to break the silence. "...Why don't you go ahead and shower and I'll get everything ready for you.. okay?"

The only response he got from the albino let let him know if he heard him, was a simple nod. He slowly stood, and Matthew rose with him, a hand firmly grasping the other's. Before the Canadian let the other go, he pulled him in for a tight hug, which only seemed to get tighter as Gil remained quiet.

"I'm here for you.." Matthew whispered, his blue-violet eyes falling closed as he rested his head on the albino's shoulder. Gil put a soft kiss against his head, before pulling his head back, and giving his lips the same soft kiss.

The blond blushed softly, but pushed needily into the other's kiss, perfectly aware, and yet completely ignorant, of the other's hands on his body. Somehow, they'd let go of each other's hands, arms embracing their bodies tightly, making the kiss deeper.

Matthew felt his head float away, his mind lost in the clouds of his emotions. His heart pounded against his chest and his blush gave away how quickly his blood was racing. He felt the soft tingle of Gilbert's fingers tunneling themselves into his hair and he willingly obeyed when his head was tilted backward at the force of the other. He felt a strange loneliness when the kiss was broken, but the feeling returned when he felt the albino's soft lips on the nape of his neck.

He let out a soft, audible exhale as his arms tightened around the other's shoulders, his own fingers pulling a little on Gilbert's hair. His mind was lost in the raw emotion he was feeling and he loved every tingling sensation Gilbert coursed through him.

The albino pulled away from him all too soon, and he was forced back to reality when he felt his love's embrace slip away. He let his eyes open, bashfully adjusting his glasses as the other male left the room quckly. He watched carefully as Gilbert hunched his body over, one hand ruffling his hair in annoyance as he left the room.

Softly Matthew sighed, looking over to the clock as it flashed the bright red lights in sequence of the lines that would make numbers. 5:35

"AM, no doubt." he exhaled loudly. He would miss those gentle touches when Gil was gone.

" _Liebe_?!" Gilbert shouted from down the hall. Matthew squeaked, putting a hand to his mouth. Not birdie, not even his new maple bird. Not his name... but Liebe. Liebe... the German word for love. What made it important enough to forgo every other possible petname, and skip straight to love?

"Y-yes?!" Matthew shouted back, taking steps toward the source of the voice. Gilbert didn't answer, but there was a sound of breaking glass to break the silence, and his steps grew quicker against the hard wood floors, until he slid to a halt outside the bathroom.

"Gilbert, are you okay?!"

* * *

" **Heey West, what's up little bro**?" He listened to Ludwig talk on the other end of the cell, and his smile imediately faded. " **You're serious.."** he mumbled, leaning against the counter, his eyes downcast **. "Ja...ja I know-.. It... Are you sure... I don't-...ja...ja fine..but I-...but Ludi, I-... no it's not like that, I just... No, he's perfect. Nothing's wrong, Nevermind, I'll be there soon...ja..ja,** _ **ich liebe dich auch, Bruder**_ _._ " He hung up the phone and went into silence.

He let his head fall backward as he stared up at the ceiling. It can't be.. but it was. He knew deep in his heart, and by the aching feeling in his gut that it was. Today... was the end of the worst time of his life. He should be happy, but everytime this time of the year came along, all he felt was pain. He knew his brother felt it too, which is why they tried so hard to spend this day, and perhaps the next, together. Now he was with Matthew, he didn't see his brother as often as he used to.

He put a hand on his stomach as he took heavy steps toward the living room, where Matthew still sat on the ground, waiting patiently for his husband to return. Heavily, he sat against the couch, his hands against his face. It couldn't be... Not only was he experiencing the worst feelings ever by not being able to sleep, he had go through this.

"... **have the days really gone by so quickly**..." he mumbled to himself, unaware of Matthew moving closer until the other physically touched him. He lifted his head from his hands to stare at the Canadian. Matthew, who had been so loving to him despite his appearance. Despite how he acted, the other loved him with every ounce of his being. He could see that whenever he would smile, and whenever he saw the beautiful eyes glow with love.

His eyes.. so beautiful, his eyes. Gil could just stare at them for hours on end, and feel completely lost. Much like he did when he woke up to find Matthew asleep next to him on the floor. Why his other chose to sleep on the floor, he'd never know, but apparently in his curousity, he had woken up Matthew, and done exactly as he said he would. He got lost in the other's eyes. The shy Canadian had captured his heart so early but he didn't show it much.

"It's the ninth, isn't it.." Matthew muttered. Gilbert felt his heart leap to his throat and he gave a hard swallow, trying to rid himself of the feeling. Every year he would avoid the question. How exactly could he tell the source of his light, of his happiness, that the Ninth of November was the worst point in his history for him. It was supposed to be a good day, as it was the day he was reunited with his brother, but everything that had lead to that point, everything he'd done and felt up to that point, only made the day worse.

He remembered feeling overwhelming happiness the moment he saw his brother again, against the crumbling concrete.. but looking back on that day, he was only ever reminded of the days leading up to it.

"... **I can't.. deal with it. Not this time... it's.. too much."** he said softly, his body shaking a little. Perhaps if he was in the right state of mind.. perhaps if he'd gotten more sleep this past week, it wouldn't be so difficult. He wanted nothing more than to just stay home this time. The ceremony didn't need him, right?

"Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back, like I always am." his husband reassured him. Gilbert exhaled a little, going quiet. Of course.. Matthew was always here, worrying his cute little behind off when it came to his wellbeing. It didn't help at all when Gil would return from spending the day with his brother, completely hammered, and cry into the other. He would cry and confess everything, year after year, but it would always be in German. He never taught much to Matthew, only the important things, so when he went off on a German tangent like that, Matthew could only hold him and comfort him in both English and French.

That French.. the way Matthew said everything was so beautiful. He lifted his head to look at Matthew, finding out the other was staring at him as well. There were those eyes again. His wonderful way of speaking the foreign language was so beaufitul. He heard French constantly from Francis and could kind of make out what he would say. Something bullshit about love. As it always was.

Gilbert never thought he would fall in love, especially with not someone as opposite himself. When Alfred was over one year, he'd brought his little brother Matthew with him, and the German was completely smitten to silence. Nobody seemed to notice the shy Canadian, as he noticed throughout the day. Not even his brother, but the other didn't seem to mind.

He adored the way Matthew would blush whenever he complimented him, and adored his smile that always followed it. With Matthew around, Gilbert wasn't such an annoyance to his brother, or the others, and in fact would talk the Canadian's ear off, but he didn't seem to mind. Even if he did, he never showed it. He would nod along to Gilbert's words, and add in a few facts and opinions himself. They would talk for hours.

Alfred was the first to notice them together, and he gave the other two of the imfamous Bad Touch Trio a nudge and point to them. "Never seen my little bro so open before. I think Gil could be good for him."He said to the two, who nodded in reply. Francis chuckled a little, making note of how Gil looked at the other.

"...How long do you have until you have to leave?" Matthew asked quietly, snapping Gilbert out of whatever thought he was in before he would look away. Damn if he wasn't beautiful.. Everything about the Canadian sent shivers through him.

 **Be here by ten, bruder. Don't be late.**

 **"He said as soon as possible..There's much to plan this time."** He sighed heavily, letting his head fall. Ludwig always did the planning, why was he needed this time. There wasn't exactly anything he could do anyway. All he ever did was talk, or simply stand there. He didn't exactly enjoy it...

The next thing he felt was a warm feeling in his lap, hearing the gentle sigh of his husband. Gil didn't quite hear what he said, but he smiled, letting his head lean against the back of the couch as he lightly ran his fingers through the other's hair. He heard the content sigh Matthew gave off, and it made him smile himself. The Canadian always had such soft hair, despite the blond locks falling to his shoulders. Must have gotten it from Francis.. or at least some tips.

The next few minutes went by painfully slowly as he let his mind wander again. He was unaware of Matthew speaking at all, but to go along with it, he simply nodded. Everything was so mechanical as he started planning out everything he possibly could in his head. Anything and everything that could happen today. From the moment he would step within eyesight of his brother, until he could finally return to his place of comfort that smelled of syrup. Warm syrup..

Before Matthew, Gilbert never knew of the diversity syrup could have upon the community of food. He would watch with curiosity as Matthew would add syrup to damn near everything he ate, or even drank. When Gilbert expressed interest in trying some of the sugar drizzled items, he would watch Matthew turn as red as his shirt, and would always squeak when Gil expressed his love for the sugary substance after trying it on the item, or in the drink. At one point, Gilbert started stealing off Matthew's plate when the Canadian was unaware. He truly craved the stuff.

He wasn't sure what made his affections deeper this time. Perhaps a longing for what he couldn't have after some time. He pulled Matthew closer, ignoring anything that came from his mouth that wasn't accompanied by that sweet, heart-melting smile. He wanted more of this precious gift.. he wanted to kiss every bit of his skin, cradle his head in his fingers, make his breath skip and his skin shiver. Gilbert wanted this man and he would stop at nothing to have him, moving his kisses elsewhere. The breathless sigh his blushing husband let out forced him back to reality.

Normally it would keep him soaring, but his brother's voice was in the back of his mind.

 **Don't be late.**

He exhaled softly, pulling away from Matthew reluctantly as he made his way to the bathroom. Wasn't something said about a shower..?

When he entered the room, he stripped himself of his shirt quickly, folding it to set it asside. even in his exhausted stupor, his instincts to keep things neat were still as active as ever. He exhaled a little, staring into the mirror, at his reflection that stared back.

Crimson eyes met crimson as he looked himself over. There wasn't much to him. sure he was muscular, though his brother was moreso. His skin was pale and riddled with scars... his hair white in comparison to every other person he met... his eyes a dark red. Even in a world full of strange people with multi-coloured eyes, nobody had the red he had.

Nobody else was different.

Nobody was albino.

He started shakily a little as he noticed his reflection was smiling at him.. and poking the glass. _You're different. How could anyone care?_

It wasn't that hard to care, but how bad was being different?

 _Even your own brother is ashamed of you_

Is he though? Today was their day to spend together.

" _Liebe?!"_ Gilbert called, not waiting for Matthew to call back. his reflection was alarming as the smile widened to frightening proprtions.

 _Demon..._

What..

 _Nobody could love a devil. Do you remember what they tried to do.. what they tried to tell you?_

You're lying..

 _Impure. Devil!_

The next thing he knew, his fist was in the glass of the mirror, sending shards scattering at his feet. His broken reflection stared at him with the shame angry, shocked, and scared expression he was currently showing.

"Gilbert! are you okay?!" He heard Matthew cry out. The Albino turned to face him, his hand dripping with blood and smaller shards of glass.

 **"...Nein, Matthew. I'm breaking."**


	11. Shower Time

**This scene contains something of a sexual nature. jump to the cut to skip past it.**

Matthew stopped breathing for a moment when he caught sight of the albino, surrounded in shards of the glass mirror. His eyes lowered from staring at the exhausted look the other was giving him, to his bleeding hand, which he seemed to be ignoring.

Quickly taking the two steps closer, he lightly lifted up Gilbert's hand, examining the damage.

" _Liebe_ will you shower with me.." Gilbert asked, breaking the silence. Matthew lifted his gaze from the injury and didn't answer right away. What was going through his husband's head? What did he mean, he was breaking?

" _Liebe?_ " Gilbert repeated. Matthew's breath hitched.

"Stop calling me that."

Gil held his breath as he felt Matthew's hands cup his face, forcing him to stare directly at the beautiful indigo of the other. This caused a soft blush of the taller male.

Though Matthew looked determined, he was rather scared for the other. His grip tightened slightly before he ran a hand through the albino's hair. "Stop calling me that... call me birdie. your little bird, your little maple bird... like you used to, okay? It's worrying me.." He looked to be on the verge of tears as he stared right at the beautiful crimson of his mate.

Gilbert lifted up his non-bloodied hand and lightly touched Matthew's cheek, giving him a soft smile, before kissing his head, hearing the soft squeak of the other. "Alright my precious _Ahorn Vogel._ Now will you shower with me? I want your company as much as possible before I have to leave"

Matthew went quiet, a soft blush on his cheeks, but he gave a soft nod in reply. For as long as they've been together, they'd never bathed together, and Matthew was a little scared. He wasn't sure why. Never once had Gilbert said anything bad about him. Each time the Canadian was either partially or fully naked, the other would caress every inch of his skin. Even the imperfections he gathered from playing or fighting with Alfred, or the ones he was even born with. Each little thing Gil would love just as much as every other inch.

Shutting the door, Matthew started removing the large sweater he tended to wear. Though Gil has given him a couple tailored suits, and other less baggy clothing, he always felt more comfortable in too-big sweaters, no matter the time of the year. He brought the large sweater over his head by pulling it up from the bottom, revealing his stomach to the other. That was his first mistake. He squeaked, dropping the sweater back down as he felt the cold hand of the other on his navel, trailing upward a little.

"Don't stop on my account, Birdie.." Gilbert whispered, taking a step closer to the other. With his other hand, he gingerly took the rimless spectacles from his face, and set them elsewhere, bringing his one hand under the sweater upward to help. Matthew shakily took the bottom of the sweater again, lifting it above his head until it was completely off his torso. His second mistake was leaving his arms inside the sweater, trapping his movement as Gilbert pushed a soft kiss agaisnt the other's neck.

If his face wasn't red before, it definitely was then. He shook slightly, the sweater sliding off his arms as he stood rigid under Gilbert's touches and kisses. His eyes fluttered closed, under the long blond hair that swayed into his face as he tilted his head away from Gilbert. He may have sucked when it came to flirting, but he sure knew his way around a body..

Matthew let out a gentle moaning noise as the other brought him closer, the hand that wasn't on his belly having moved around to his hip, pulling him close. Matthew lightly clung to the other to stop himself from falling. He was brought from his senses momentarily when his fingertips caressed the scars lining Gilbert's back, and his eyes opened just slightly, but a nip from the other's soft lips against his neck made him shake, shivers coursing through him as the pleasure was overwhelming.

Curse his neck for being so sensitive! He let his eyes shut again as he felt the expert hands of the other removing what little remained of his clothing, his arms lifting up the smaller one's body off the ground as he slid off the jeans he wore. Each inch the denim fabric slid down only made Matthew want to hide. He was going to tantilizingly slowly and the gentle movements his own body made against Gil only further betrayed exactly what he was feeling.

It wasn't long before the albino had Matthew completely naked, his smaller frame gripping tightly to his own. His legs had wrapped around Gil's hips, bringing him up as he pressed his lips to the others in a heated and much needed kiss. His heart was pounding against his chest as he kept Gil as close as possible, their kiss deep. Greedily, their tongues danced with each other, switching between who was leading in the simple entwining by who's mouth they made their dance inside.

He wasn't sure when it happened, but at once point during their heated kiss, Gil had pushed him to the cold tile wall, causing a small yelp from him, which was quickly silenced and replaced with gentle moaning.

When Gil finally pulled away from the kiss, they were both panting softly. Matthew's curl gently bobbed with his heartbeat as he stared at the other lovingly, his eyes bright with passion. Gil smiled up at him, sending shivers through him. He always liked that smile of his. Granted when they were out in public, he always smiled. No matter what he was feeling, he would always have this shit-eating grin on his lips, laughing as loud as he possibly could, just to be obnoxious.

However, when they were alone, whenever he would smile at him, it wasn't like that. He could see the sincerity on his lips, and the love in his eyes. In the silence of the echoing bathroom, all they heard was the hot breath on each other's lips, as they both struggled to maintain their grip on their sanity, both daring the other wordlessly to kiss him again.

A soft chuckle escaped the grinning man. "We're we supposed to be taking a shower.." he mumbled. The fact of bathing had all but left Matthew's hazy mind until Gilbert reminded him, and he flushed out of embarassment, looking away from the bright crimson of the other. The chuckle came again and Gil kissed his hot cheeks. "Don't worry.. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off you, maple bird.. once we're in the shower."

He set Matthew down on his own shaky legs as he started up the water. Letting the shower warm up a bit, he finished getting undressed, neatly folding his clothes, as well as Matthew's that were discarded on the floor.

Matthew tried not to stare, but he couldn't help it. He watched the back muscles of his husband work under his skin, making him look far more muscular than he actually was. At one point, he thought Gilbert was posing for him with how they were buldging and with a soft squeak, he noticed the other actually was.

He caught the eyes of the standing albino who gave him a soft smile, knowing Matthew was staring at him. "Dammit Gil!" the Canadian squeaked, looking elsewhere as Gilbert headed for the shower. Quickly, though, Matthew stopped him by grabbing his hand. "W-wait.. let me at least get out the glass." he mumbled.

Without a response, Gil stood still, letting the blue-violet eyed man take out what shards he could see. He must have hit the mirror pretty hard for them to have been buried this deep. With a frown he plucked out a rather large chunk of glass and set it inside the sink beside him. The only notion that he recieved to know Gilbert even knew what he was doing, was the slight twitch his fingers would give every so often. When he was satisfied that enough glass was gone, he let go of the other and stood with him, thankful that he wasn't hurt any further than that. He'd have to wrap it later before it would stain the white gloves...

They both stepped into the warm water, and the exhausted man let out an audible sigh of comfort, his eyes closing as the water ran down the back of his neck, to his shoulders, and his chest until it hit the floor below. Slowly his head bowed, letting the water mat down his hair.

Matthew blushed softly. Was there a particular reason why they hadn't bathed together until now? They'd been together for a a year now... and dating long before that. Patiently, he awaited his turn under the water, temporarily forgetting they had a detatchable showerhead, as he watched the water run along each curve and imperfection the albino had until it either dripped off his body, or fully made it to the tub's bottom.

As if feeling the eyes of his mate on his body, Gilbert lfited his head, staring up at him. The man was holding his hands in front of him in a shy nature, the soft blush on his cheeks complimenting his impossibly indigo eyes. He would watch as the other shifted his balance from one foot to the other. Matthew lifted a hand from where they naturally lay, and ran it through his hair, his eyes averting themselves from where he was looking, almost as if forbidden.

Gilbert smiled as he reached out, grabbing onto Matthew to pull him closer. "Not fair that I get all the water, birdie.." he whispered. At the touch of the other, Matthew's blush darkened, and he lay his head against Gilbert's chest as he struggled to retain his balance on the slippery floor. He knew Gilbert wouldn't let him fall though, as their arms surrounded each other in a loving embrace. He closed his eyes, listening to the soft breathing of the man he held so dearly and to the water hitting his back, making soft echoes in his chest; to the hearbeat in his chest that pounded harder and harder with each second.

Matthew looked up at him, wondering how this man had captured him so easily when they first met. Yet here they stand, loving each other more and more with each passing moment. He gave a soft smile as he stood a bit straighter, lifting up into the other. Now under the water, he felt the warmth run down his skin, and it felt wonderful. Heavenly, even. He shut his eyes, purely letting the feeling of the wonderful water brush against his skin. He gave a soft hum of pleasure as he felt himself be pulled more under the water, feeling it run through his hair and mat it down, darkening it from it's slight orange tinge to a normal blond colour.

Under the water, he felt all the stress of the day, all the worry of knowing what Gilbert was going through, simply melt. It faded with the water's flow and completely left his body. Damn, if he didn't feel good. He gave a soft smile, almost forgetting Gilbert was even in the shower with him, until he felt the gentle carress of his hand agaisnt his chin, tilting his head upward to meet the other. Once more, Matthew's eyes opened and he looked up at Gilbert, his indigo hues meeting the soft crimson of the other.

They didn't stay open for long as he felt the other press into him for a gentle kiss. At least, that was a the plan. It was supposed to be gentle, but the moment their lips brushed past each other, they both had the same thought of ignoring the gentleness, and immediately clung to one another. Matthew threw his arms around Gilbert and lifted hismelf up a bit, making the kiss deeper on his own. Gil held tightly to his husband, wanting more out of the kiss than they had initially planned.

The warmth the water created mingled with the pleasure their kiss was creating, and Matthew shivered, knowing his mind would cloud soon enough. He felt his blood race, flowing to portions of his body that made his skin softly flush red and shiver. No doubt Gilbert was able to feel his impending arousal from the simple kiss alone, and judging by the sudden groping of his rear, he was feeling the same.

He felt himself being lifted off the ground and pressed to the tile of the shower's wall, and he wrapped his legs around the other's hips, a quiet moan escaping his lips and into the other's mouth as their kiss became a passionate dance. The moan came again as he was shifted just slightly and he felt a hand gently teasing as his entrance, sending goosebumps over his skin, despite the overwhelming warmth they were both feeling. With the sensitive skin of his thighs, he felt Gil's rather large member twitch at least once... that was all he needed to know just how deep they both were. Mixing in the heat of the water, their minds were lost in passion.

At this point, he didn't even care if the sex started off dry. He would ignore the pain soon enough,and water made for a very poor lubricant. Though that thought was far from his mind as he broke the kiss, letting is head fall back against the tile as he felt two of the other's fingers slip inside him, curling up a bit as they worked on relaxing him. Gilbert let go of his ass with his free hand and lifted it upward, lightly tugging and rubbing the long curl on the left side of his face.

This new sensation made the Canadian's heated moans grow louder, and he shivered more, his body involuntarily moving into the other as waves of immense pleasure flowed through him. Gilbert just smiled as he licked his lips slowly, watching the reaction he obtained from the gentle motions of the curl. It wasn't often he used this erogenous area to his advantage, or even at all, but hearing how loud his little bird could get was arousing, to say the least. Sounds were always pleasureable to him, and it came as a great surprise when he first did this during their heated kiss to learn just how loud he could get.

As they were dating, he was warned only once never to touch the curl by both Ludwig and Feliciano. Alfred did the same, but his was more of a threatening, older brother complex rather than a simple warning. When asked about it, Feli and Alfred both obtained a soft blush and told him it was a "sensitive area, and just don't touch it, ok?"

His first touch ever with the curl had brought Matthew to his knees, and it was by complete accident. It scared him more than he cared to admit. One moment, Matthew had been laughing happily alongside something stupid he said, the next, he was on the floor, a deep blush on his cheeks and a flustered shuffle to pull his large sweater down.

He chuckled gently, watching the man writhe below his fingers, and into the hand that worked him so loosely below.

When he finally stopped both motions, he grinned a bit at hearing the needy whimper Matthew gave off. Matthew hated his mind for wanting more out of the other, especially with the teasing his curl could do. He lifted his head just slightly, staring at the other with glossy eyes as he pleaded for more.

"G-gil.. I can't...take it. please.. nnh please Gilly I need to feel you. You tease.. ah, you tease me so much.." he begged softly. Gilbert answered him with a kiss, pulling his fingers free of the other as the water poured between them. Either had forgotten where they were, simply ignoring the constant patters of the water drops hitting their skin, and focused on the touches they could give. Gil brought both hands down to cup at his bottom a bit, lifting his hips upward, and consquently the rest of his body, as he positioned his throbbing member against the loosened ring, sliding inside slowly.

The moan came as he thought it would. Jolts of pain shot him him that he ignored, loving the size of his husband as he pushed himself slowly inside, until their hips met. He watched as Gil had closed his eyes and let out a soft hum of satisfaction as he relaxed a little. It didn't take long to adjust to his size, and he was thankful for that. His body shivered when he felt the throbbing inside him, resting against his special spot that he desperately wished could be pounded against, and his body betrayed his feelings, his own hardened member resting against his navel a bit between them.

Slowly Gil started up a rhythm, moving Matthew physically as he pushed himself deeper inside and pulled away from him. The gentle bouncing made him cling to Gil, his arms wrapped loosely around his shoulders, but his body as close as he could possibly get to to the other. Though shy in nature, both he and his husband were Switches. There were days when Gilbert was the more dominant one of the two, and others when it was Matthew. There was constant reassurance on Gil's part whenever Matthew topped, but when he did, it was ecstasy.

The rhythm picked up pace, and Matthew felt it harder to concentrate on where they were, and what exactly he was holding on to. As he listened to their wet hips slapping rather lewdly against each other, he felt his body tingle in delight. To derrive pleasure from such a sound was often considered nasty, but he loved every moment of it. He knew Gil was too, listening to the satisfied grunts and groans coming from him as he concentrated on not dropping Matthew, but instead pounding harder into him.

The moaning came louder again as he shifted their position enough to penerate deeper, massaging as his prostate more frequently, and Matthew lightly scratched at the surface of skin he clung to, which only gifted him with the sounds his husband would make. He almost forgot about the bdsm nature both he and Ludwig shared, and he smiled a little, scratching more fully at his back.

He broke pace momentarily to arch into Matthew's hands, his eyes shut tightly as he gave into the feeling. When the goosebumps faded over his skin, he started the apace back up again,moving harder into the other than before. With each breath, Matthew would make noise, and his mind was in bliss at hearing it.

Closer and closer they grew to their impending peak, though Matthew felt he would fall first. The combination of everything his husband was doing kept his mind in the clouds. Slowly, one of his hands slipped down from gripping at Gil's shoulders, and rested against his own erection, where he stroked needily against it.

"Gilly.. I can't..take this..." he muttered out in heated breaths.

"Then lets finish together..." he responded.

Matthew let his head fall slightly as he pressed into Gilbert with a kiss, needing just a little more pleasure to finally drive himself over. Very gently, Gil lifted a hand to tug at his curl only once, and felt the Canadian tense up around him, a rather loud moan melting into the kiss as he finally finished, sending heated ropes of white onto the both of them.

At Matthew's sudden tensing around him, he could stand no longer, and he was driven over the edge as well, filling up the other with his hot seed.

After the initial waves of pleasure coursed through them, they continued the kiss, which lie motionless as they rode it out, and Gilbert tunneled his fingers into the other's hair, tilting his head slightly.

* * *

When the kiss was broken, they both smiled tiredly. Gil slowly set Matthew back on his two feet, and changed the temperature of the water, as they'd grown used to the heat it was at. Even under the water, Matthew was blushing furiously, holding onto Gil for dear life.

Almost mechanically, Gilbert pulled Matthew under the water, using a cloth to wipe away any trace of their lovemaking, being gentle, yet thorough. Matthew lightly shook under his touch, watching him carefully, though his vision was blurred, he could see how careful he was being.

When the albino finally stood, he started to wash the other's hair, listening to the soft noises of his husband while his scalp was massaged. Matthew smiled a little, moving into his hands slightly to help the washing. He never thought anyone doing something so personal would feel good, let alone work at all, but Gilbert knew what he was doing, making sure every inch of his orange tinted hair was covered in the lathered shampoo.

With a soft smile, he looked over at the other, until he felt the water rush over his head and face, and he felt Gil's hands stroke his hair backward, keeping the shampoo from the other's face. It was nice, being washed by someone else, but he wouldn't ask this of him. If you were to look at Gilbert in public, would anyone ever think he'd be this sweet? Matthew certainly wouldn't think that.

With the shampoo gone in his hair, he took a small step away from Gil, watching him clean his own hair under the warm water. Matthew lightly held onto himself, making himself as small as possible, which was a natural pose for him, as he looked away.

"Th-thanks, Gilly... I'll get out and leave you to finish.. I said I'd get your things." He said softly, stepping out of the shower to grab the fluffy towel waiting for him to dry himself off with. Slowly he worked his skin over with the towel, before tossing it on his head, rubbing at his scalp to dry off his hair.

"Take your time, Mattie.. I'll be in here awhile.. but if you hear anything, come back, ok? I...don't trust my mind. Not now.." Gil responded, running his hair under the water.

Matthew smiled, wrapping the towel around his waist before leaving the room, their clothes in his arms, as he made his way toward the bedroom. Once there, he discarded them in the hamper and searched for his own clothes first. Being in a towel was nice, but he feared that Gil would keep himself distracted and never arrive to greet his brother. And if Ludwig had to come here, it wouldn't be with warm greetings.

Quickly finding a dark blue sweater, he threw it on, almost immediately followed by white shorts. One of the many things Gil had bought him. He was partial to the colour red but this particular sweater had a very nice feel to it.

 _"Do you like it?"_

 _"W-well,yes but I-"_

 _"Zhen it's yours."_

He held the fabric up to his face with a soft blush, nuzzling against it his cheek and inhaling the scent. He gave a soft smile, before moving back to the closet to dig out his uniform.

The fabric was covered in a plastic, indicating it had been cleaned since its last use, and he gently laid it against the bed, before leaving it and moving to fetch his boots, gloves, and cap, laying them on, or against, the bed as neatly as he could. Not like it mattered that much as Gil would simply throw it on anyway, but he wanted to cater to the neat instinct Gilbert and his brother tended to share, at least a little. He made sure the house was clean on most occassions, but Gil would usually find something to clean.

His brother had the anal retentiveness of their freakish cleaning however, and Feliciano was complaining about it to him one day.

 _"Vee, yea it's so weeird. I was making pasta like he said I could then he just follows me around with a cloth wiping up every little mess that I make!"_

Matthew giggled a little, leaving the room to make his way to the kitchen. May as well feel his husband before not seeing him for at least a day. Nothing like pancakes with syrup to make one feel better!

 **6:15**

He frowned a little, staring at the bright blue lines of the clock as it indicated the time. They'd been in the shower for near fourty minutes. No doubt due to their lovemaking..

Quickly, he started to gather the pancake mix and a bowl and whisk, wanting at least a good sized stack done before Gilbert got out of the shower. There was no telling how hungry he'd be, considering the state of his mind or the exact amount of exhaustion he was feeling..

He slowed down in the whisking slightly to look back in the direction of the shower. Should he let him leave today? He could handle the anger Ludwig could throw at him if he just kept Gilbert here. The man needed his rest, but..

He stopped whisking all together as he noticed his strange canary friend had settled on the counter beside Matthew, looking up at him almost expectantly. Of course he needed his rest, but there was no guarantee the other would sleep at all, even if given the opportunity. The only harm there was to keeping Gilbert at home today was more on Ludwig's well being than Gils, or his own. He sighed gently, before digging through the cabinets to find the food Gil kept for his little canary, and scooping out a little to put it in a small bowl designated for the bird's food.

The canary happily twittered, bouncing over to the bowl and jumping in it, starting to peck out the seed he loved so dearly. Matthew smiled a little, lightly stroking the spine of the yellow bird like Gil taught him, with the knowledge the canary really liked that.

It appeared most attention given to his feathers was adored, and the canary replied to the stroking by fluffing out a wing, stretching it until he lifted his finger off the spine, then it nestled perfectly back at his side.

Matthew worked on whisking up the pancake batter again, deciding to throw several chocolate chips in there this time. May as well mix it up a little.. He smiled a little as he scooped a small handful of the chips into his mouth, letting them melt as he poured a bit into a pan, ready to cook the batter up like it needed to.

Together, they could go through at least three, twelve pancake stacks, even on their hungriest days, so he kept a lot of the ingredients to mix more on hand often. However, pancakes weren't all they ate as much, as it would be great. He and Gil both got a word of warning from Feliciano, oddly enough, about that.

 _"I know it seems I eat nothing but pasta, but I don't! If you eat your favourite thing everyday you'll get sick of it! Yep you will!"_

Though that could never happen with their syrup addiction. Never.

When he finally heard the shower shut off, he had a decently sized stack of pancakes already set out on the table for him, and he only conitnued to make more, making sure whatever accidental mess he'd made was cleaned up. "Giil! I made pancakes for you! So hurry up and eat them before you don't get any!" Matthew shouted, smiling a little.

"You spoil me, little bird!" Gilbert called back. It didn't take him long to leave the bathroom. Unlike Matthew, who had decided getting dressed immediately after was the best course of action, Gil set out toward the kitchen with a towel around his waist. He didn't want to dress until he absolutely had to.

 **6:33**

Gilbert slicked his hair backward, as it was still sort of wet, and he sat down at the table. When Matthew brought the next couple pancakes, and a new plate, for him, he jumped a little. "Oh god- Gil. Don't scare me like that.. You look too much like Ludwig, despite the obvious differences..."

Gilbert laughed softly. The shower had perked him up quite a bit, and he could at least feign being energetic. Mockingly, he lost his smile and grew serious. "Vhat do you mean. I am Ludwig, not zhat silly Bruder of mine." he hmph-ed alittle. "I'm who he called West vis my fancy slicked back hair and ein stick up mein arse. I'm the most serious person to ever exist and I can't smile to save my life! I'm just too upset or important to give anyone but my beloved little Feli zhe time of day-"

Matthew about died laughing.

When he finally gathered his composure, he stood back up off the floor, rubbing his eyes dry, while grinning. "Dammit Gil.. " he said softly, having removed his glasses to wipe his eyes, but when he slipped them back on, he crossed the room, taking the two steps closer, and kissed his cheek softly. "You always do that.."

Gilbert grinned proudly. "Yeah, and you love me for it."

"Do not."

"Do too. No lying to me-"

"Dammit.." Matthew laughed again. He stayed near Gil as the albino stole a few pancakes and started drowning them in syrup, before devouring them with gusto. He noticed as his hair dried, a few of the slicked back pieces began to fall forward, and that's when he spotted something odd that he'd never seen before. He tilted his head a little, before reaching out and caressing the odd stripe of blond in his hair. "Gil?" he asked.

The albino lifted his head a little, sliding the lock of hair from his grasp, and it fell in front of his eyes. He focused on the blond lock and then to the confused face of Matthew, before swallowing the forkful he had in his mouth. "Oh, that. It's nothing really. Something both me and Ludwig got when we were reunited. He's got a white one. You can only really see his when he has his hair down, just like you've never noticed mine until my hair was pulled back." He wiped at his mouth a little, leaning back in the chair.

The blond nodded a little, before smiling. "It looks good on you. " He said softly. Gilbert grinned.

" _Danke, Ahorn Vogel._ " he replied, before filling himself up with as many pancakes as Matthew would let him eat.

 **7:56**

The dishes were washed, and the table was wiped clean. The counters were cleaned off, and the canary was well fed as he nestled in a small bundle of blankets in his open cage, fluffing up to sleep.

Gilbert and Matthew both were in the bedroom, applying the orante decorations to his pristine Prussian blue uniform. His crimson gaze lie on the Iron Cross hanging on the mirror, then back to Matthew, several times during the course of the dressing. When they finally stopped, and Gilbert adjusted the tie just slightly, he grabbed the Cross and lightly thumbed it over. This visitation wasn't like the other years. This one was a decent number, a nice even one, and thusly required more decorating. A small part of him wanted to wear the golden Iron Cross he had, one he'd kept safe and preserved inside a nice box for very special occassions.

He gripped the Cross tighter, then turned to Matthew, who looked up at him with bright eyes. "Yea..?" he asked, in the silence that followed.

Gilbert looked down at the Cross in his gloved hand, before reaching out and pulling the chain around Matthew's neck, locking it in place and letting it rest beside his heart, over the large sweater. Gil gave the other a smile, watching him lightly pick up the cross around his neck, looking to it, then Gil, then back to it, before finally ending it with a smile and a hug.

"Thank you... " he whispered. Lightly, Gilbert ran his gloved hands over Matthew's hair, smoothing it out in a petting motion.

"I love you Matthew. No matter where I go, or what I do.. I will always love you. Never forget that. You are my precious moonbeam and I can't see myself without you, now that I have you." Gil whispered.

A sudden chill went down Matthew's spine, and he stiffened at hearing Gil's words. In the silence that accompied their hug, he felt his stomach start to churn with dread. He'd be coming back, right? He was never gone more than a couple days, so of course he'd be back.

"I love you too, Gil. Stay the sunshine in my heart and you'll never be without me.." he mumbled. Gilbert's heart skipped a beat and he smiled gently.

When he finally let go, he went back to the jewelry box, and pulled out a smaller box. inside said box was a golden cross, looking remarkably similar to the Iron Cross Matthew now wore. He slipped that around his neck and hid it under his shirt and tie. He felt bare without at least one of the Crosses around his neck, and now he held one, he released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

He turned back to Matthew, who was holding out his cap delicately. Gil took it from his grasp and slid it on his head, before holding his arms out. "...How do I look?"

Matthew looked him over, trying to look for any imperfections. Finding none, other than the tired look in his eyes, he gave a salute to the other. "Perfect!"

Gilbert smiled a little, pulling Matthew in for a hug. "Keep the Cross with you. Keep it safe until I return, okay? I don't want you feeling alone."

"Funny.. I was gonna say the same thing. You're the one who needs someone.." Matthew mumbled. Gil just chuckled, before the phone on the desk nearby started to ring. He exhaled sharply, closing his eyes, as he let go of the other and lifted it up.

 **8:00**

He frowned when he noticed that the alarm was going off at the exact same time his brother was calling, and he unlocked the screen, both to shut off the alarm, and to answer the call.

"Ja?" He said. "...Ja, I'm ready. Are you-... I see. Okay... Be there in a second." He hung up the phone and exhaled.

"What's up?" Matthew asked.

"..He's decided to come get me this time. He's waiting outside.." he mumbled, stuffing the phone in his pocket. Matthew frowned, but nodded.

"Okay, well, um... at least let me walk you to the door." Without needing a response, Matthew grabbed Gil's hand and lead him out of the room, toward the front door. Before he opened it, he gave the other a soft kiss. "Don't hesitate to call if you need me, okay?" he reminded him.

Gil just smiled, a hand on the doorknob, and nodded. "I will, don't worry. _Je t'aime,_ Matthew." He said softly.

Matthew's face flared when he heard the German speak French. Not just any french... the one he taught him. He smiled proudly. " _I..Ich liebe dich, auch..._ Gilbert."

With a wider smile, the albino opened the door to see Ludwig standing by his black Audi, dressed in similar garb to his own, only forest green, and having different decorations. Ludwig held out a hand to his brother, who strolled over confidently. Taking Ludwig's hand, they embraced in a tight hug, before climbing into the car, either via the door, or jumping through the window in Gilbert's case, and drove off.

Things felt awfully lonely around here without Gilbert around, he noticed. When the car had left his sight, he stayed standing in the doorway, taking out his phone with the intention on texting the other.

 _Gil, I miss you already._

It wasn't long before he got a response. He answered it, expecting a texted reply, but instead he got a picture.

Gilbert was smiling like a dumbass, taking a selfie as the car drove quickly.

 _I'll be back before you know it birdie!_

Matthew smiled a little. though there was still a thought on his mind. What was so important about the ninth..? Why did today hurt Gilbert's mind so?

His phone buzzed again with an unknown number.

 _ **Will you ever look at him the same, Matthew?**_

He frowned a bit, replying to it as he stepped away from the house.

 _Who're you?_

 _ **Will you look at him the same?**_

 _who're you.._

 _ **Will he be safe?**_

His heart skipped a beat and he stopped breathing for a moment.

 _what do you mean_

 _of course he'll be safe he's with his brother_

 _ **Will he return?**_

 _ **Will be he safe?**_

 _ **Will he be the same?**_

The words the messages left started to make his heart beat faster. He would return. He had to return. He promised...

Enough was enough! He had to know what today was about! Mysterious messages, and depression be damned, he had to know!

Quickly, he dialed a number.

 _Yooo Mattie bro, what's up!_

 _"_ Don't you , 'yoooo' me. Alfred I want answers! You're not getting out of it this time!"

 _What happened little bro? Get into a fight or somethin?_

"No! What in the maple loving hell is so important about today?!"

 _...What is today anyway?_

He sighed, starting to pace around the driveway. "The ninth of Novemeber."

 _..._

 _"_ Alfred?"

 _...Mattie, i don't think-_

 _"_ No! No I'm tired of everyone ignoring the question! I never get a straight answer out of you! Not even the stupid internet helps me! What's so important!" it was rare Matthew yelled at all, even rarer to talk to his brother like that. he was met with a long period of silence, before Alfred's voice, much quieter than before, spoke up again.

 _It's the day the Berlin wall fell._


	12. Einsamkeit

The Berlin wall. A point in history where all the European nations completely shunned Germany, and tried to imagine it didn't exist. It was erected close to the end of the second World War, and remained up until the end of the 20th century.

Seperating Germany into the East and West was hard on them, considering that East Germany was doing much better economically and socially. While the West suffered.

The difference was astounding, and the complete isolation of either side from each other was mercilous.

Matthew would have dropped his phone if he wasn't clutching it so tightly. "...The Wall huh? It fell today...but why would Gil be so upset about it? Why would he-"

 _"...we got them when we were reunited."_

"... Tell me Alfred."

 _Sup?_

"Was Ludwig and Gilbert in Germany at the time of World War Two?"

There was silence on the other end as the American thought. With each silent moment between the two, Matthew slowly sank to the ground, feeling his heart racing quicker and threatening to stop all together.

 _...You know, i think so._

Bringing the phone from his ears, he looked up into the sky in defeat. They were there?! And they were seperated! But who was on what side?

"Alfred, do you know anything about them while they were there?"

 _Nah, bro. Sorry I can't be more help to ya._

Matthew just sighed in annoyance. "Talk later then.." Without waiting for a reply, he hung up the phone, and sank to his knees fully in the grass. He wasn't sure when he exactly left the house, but it couldn't have been that long ago. He looked down at his phone, staring at the two grinning faces of himself and Gilbert in his background. There were so many new questions he needed to ask Gilbert, so many things he needed answered, but he had to wait until he returned. He had to be patient.

After all, patience is a virtue..

With a huff, he flipped to his messages. "Not right now it isn't."

 _Gil, were you and Ludwig in Germany at the time of the war..?_

Way to be subtle, Mattie. He locked his phone after he sent the message and stood, waiting for a reply. In the meantime, he went inside the house.

Once the door shut behind him, he listened to the eerie quiet of the empty halls and he frowned. Things were a lot different, and a lot more lonely, with Gilbert gone. Slowly, he made his way to the couch, where he sat down and curled up. What could he possibly do to pass the time? Certainly not the things he used to do, not with the knowledge he has now.

A vibration from his phone brought him out of focus, and he turned his attention to it.

 _There's a reason I call him West, Matthew._

* * *

The drive to the scene was dreary as all hell. Ludwig and Gilbert sat in silence, listening to the winds outside on the cloudy day, making it dreary to anyone else. Gilbert looked over at Ludwig, who focused on the road, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Under his black gloves, he was sure his knuckles were white. The eldest removed his cap and set it in his lap, lightly smoothing it out. There was so much he wanted to say, but no words to put it in...

 **"West, I-"**

"East, vhat's wrong vis you?" Ludwig cut him off. Gil flinched, tightly shutting his eyes momentarily, before he looked back down at his cap.

 **"What do you mean?"**

"You can't lie to me. Vhat's wrong? You've been avoiding my messages for zhe past veek at least. You've never done zhis.."

Oh... so he noticed that. Gil shrank down in his seat, looking toward the window now. How could he say it? Would Ludwig be mad at him? he didn't sound mad... but then again, he didn't know the whole truth. After another moment of silence, Ludwig sighed and opened his mouth, but not before Gil spoke up.

 **"I haven't been sleeping, Ludi."**

The German hummed softly in thought, glancing between the albino and the road. "Zhat's no excuse, bruder. Vhat's zhe real reason?"

" **...At all. No sleep at all within the past seven days."**

This made the other go silent. When a body functions on lack of sleep, it tends to be weaker, and less active to conserve energy. To not get any REM sleep within a week must've taken a pretty big toll on his brother. Ludwig hummed again, knowing he needed to say something.

" **I was worried you'd freak out about it. Mattie is already freaking out over it and he's doing everything possible to make sure I can get as much sleep as I can... but it hasn't really been helping. "** Gil leaned on his hand as he stared out the window.

Oh he was freaking out, but he dared not let his brother see. Today was already a shitty day, lets not make it worse. "...have you been dreaming in vhat little sleep you attempt to get?" he asked.

This made Gilbert think. He had dreamed, and the dreams he had felt so real. They felt like memories. His brow furrowed as a frown crossed his normally upturned lips. Not to mention, each time he could recall a dream, which was only twice, he would find the one man to ease his demons hidden amongst the shadow.

" **Yes and no."** he started, looking back over. His only response was a puzzled look from the blond, who had momentarily turned his head from the otherwise empty road. **"I do dream, but they don't feel like dreams. They feel like memories I've lived through, but it's impossible."**

"Vhat makes it impossible, Gil?"

He frowned again, lightly pulling out the cross he'd hidden below his tie, and fondled it. The Teutonic Order... being in Prussia... it had to have been impossible. What's more, is he vividly remembered those indigo eyes he fell in love with many years ago.

" **...because there's no way I was alive in 1466."**

The car came to a screeching halt, and Gil hung on for dear life. **"Holy shit, Ludi! We're gonna be late if you stop like this!"**

"Explain, bruder. Explain to me everyzhing." The German looked over at Gil with his piercing blue gaze. The two stared at each other in silence, neither able to actually look away. It was then he was thankful nobody else was on the road.

Gilbert's hazy vision looked over to the clock on the dash that marked the time. It had only been about an hour after they'd left. **"Fine, but you have to start driving again. We'll both be in trouble if we don't get there on time."**

That brought Ludwig back to reality and he started to drive again, both hands on the wheel. Gil pulled out his phone to momentarily distract himself, trying to find the proper words to be able to tell his brother what he felt. He'd noticed there was a message left to him from Matthew and he softly smiled, but that quickly faded when he read the message.

He looked to his brother in silence, watching the younger blond calculate how their driving was going and how long it would take to arrive, and judging by him speeding up into the next gear, he didn't like the outcome.

 _There's a reason why I call him West, Matthew._

He exhaled a little. **"...These dreams... they felt so real. I was a child. At first, I couldn't tell where I was, but then i..."** he trailed off. How exactly could he say he saw his husband in a dream that wasn't a dream?

"Ja? Go on, bruder."

He exhaled softly. **"But then there was some familiarity in it.. and I could hear my younger self, or whatever he was, talking to this person or entity. I kept thinking he wasn't real, but after he showed up the second time, I got a bit more information. Turns out... these dreams took place in Prussia, near the border of Poland, back when the Teutonic Order was still a thing. .. in 1466."**

No wonder Gil had said it was impossible. Prussia had been disbanded for several years, and besides, the year didn't make sense either. Didn't he mention something familiar in the scene?

"East... I didn't know. Vhy didn't you tell me vhat vas wrong?" Ludwig muttered.

Gil just sighed in response. **"I told you, I didn't want you to worry. You have enough to deal with with the ceremonies and everything, I didn't want to be another gray hair in your head."**

Ludwig chuckled gently. "You've already given me a streak of vhite in mein hair, You'll definitely be zhe cause of my entire head going vhite, no doubt." Gil smiled in response, bringing a hand up to his hair and slicking it back, revealing the blond streak he'd earned.

 **"You've ruined my awesome hair too, ya know."**

Ludwig looked over to him and smiled, before reaching over and grabbing his hand. White gloves meshed with black as East and West held onto each other during the drive. It felt wonderful being near his brother again, especially having been seperated for so long.

"You mentioned zhere vas somezhing familiar in your dreams, Bruder." Ludwig said softly, giving Gil's a light squeeze.

Gil lost his smile and nodded slowly. **"Familiar... you're gonna think I'm crazy."**

"I already do, Bruder."

This made the soft smirk return, but only barely. **"...I saw Matthew, in my dreams. He hadn't aged, or even changed clothes, at all between the two times I saw him so I almost thought he was my imagination."** What little grin he had had completely faded and his grip loosened against Ludwig's. **"When I woke once from the dream, I saw him sleeping on the floor, and I got scared. I was so scared, Ludi, that the man I fell in love with was just my imagination playing the sickest trick it could on my mind. I was so thankful I was wrong."**

Ludwig wouldn't know about that sort of thing. His only real friend outside of his family, was Feliciano, and with a blush, he relished how that turned out. "Have you been seeing zhings?" he asked quietly.

The sudden tense from Gilbert, followed by his head falling to let his temporarily slicked back hair fall in front of his hooded eyes said more than words ever could. The silence that followed the question was far more uncomfortable than they ever felt together. Ludwig kept switching his gaze between the albino, and the road, before giving him another affectionate squeeze.

"I...I'm sorry East, if it touched a nerve." he whispered.

His only response was a soft sobbing from the other, and with a glance, he could see the tears falling. Gilbert brought a hand to his face, covering his eyes from view, but it didn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks and staining his uniform. His body shook gently as the sadness began to overwhelm him. Ludwig felt a pain in his heart when he noticed this.

His mind began to war with itself. They needed to be quick about this, and be on time.

Then again, they could spare a couple minutes, right?

He stopped the car after he pulled over and exited it without a word. Gil moved his hand from his face in noticing this, watching as he quietly walked around the car, opened the passenger door and dragged Gilbert to his feet. The moment the albino was standing, the German wrapped his arms around him and just held his shorter, but older, brother tightly. Gilbert hugged his brother tightly. He felt a different feeling of being whole when he was around Ludwig, rather than Matthew.

It wasn't often he showed these feelings at all, let alone in front of his little brother. For the longest time, all they had was each other. Gilbert became a protective parental figure to his brother, and as such he had to be strong. He had to keep the other from trouble while teaching him right from wrong. He had to be strong, and had to keep smiling.

Even long after he grew up.

"Gil, you don't have to do zhis. I can do zhe ceremony alone. I vill explain to zhem zhat-"

 **"N-no, Ludi, I'll go... I just... you're right. I am hearing things... and seeing things. This.. this lack of sleeping is starting to fuck with my mind, Bruder..."** he managed to say, keeping his face buried against the black tie Ludwig wore. He felt Ludwig's gloved hand press him close, lightly stroking his hair affectionately.

"If you're sure... I von't mind being late zhis once. I can explain to zhem vhat's happened once ve get zhere."

Ludwig was pretty retentive about punctuality, so to hear him say, out loud, that he won't mind being late this once to something this important made his breathing hitch, and his grip on the other tighten. **"...Are you sure, West? We.. won't get in trouble?"**

"Ja. I'll take care of it, don't vorry. Vould it be too much to ask vhat zhey say to you?" He lifted Gil's head to meet his eyes. Gil just nodded.

 **"Lets get going though.. can't be too late..."**

"Are you sure you're ready for zhat, Bruder? Ve have all zhe time to stand here if you must."

 **"J..ja. I think I can make it."** The older brother closed his eyes, trying to block out the whispers in his ears. He felt Ludwig reluctantly let go of him, and wait patiently as Gilbert sat back down before he closed the door. He then quickly made his way back to his side of the Audi, and slid into the driver's seat, starting up the car and driving off toward their destination.

"...now, vhat are zhey saying to you? I von't lie and pretend I understand, but I do vorry about you East." he said, relaxing in the seat.

Gil shifted a bit to make himself comfortable. **"Names I haven't heard since I was a child.. words and phrases so foreign to me, yet so hurtful."**

The blond focused on the road. "Vhat kind of names? Vhat could anyone possibly call you to make you feel hurt?" he frowned.

Gil was silent again, looking between his hands and the window. **"I've been called quite a bit as I was growing up. Though once I started defending myself from these names, they seemed to stop. It never really stopped hurting, and to hear the...little me, I guess, from the dreams... be called the same names, it started to hurt more."** He looked over at his brother. **"I suppose that's why the hallucination said them."**

Ludwig merely nodded, trying to process exactly what was said. Though Gil technically didn't answer the question, his answer provided enough information to where he could guess. He stole a glance at his brother, who was leaning against his hand, staring silently out the window. The lack of sleep, plus whatever image he'd seen was definitely apparent. Not once had the once proud older sibling smiled. Not like he used to, where he didn't care who he messed with to create the smile.

The drive was quiet after that. Only once had Ludwig opened his mouth to ask Gilbert a question, but he quickly shut it in noticing the albino sleeping. Well, resting. May as well let him get as much sleep as he possibly could, and there was no pressing need to have his question answered. So he decided to wait. In the meantime, he reached over again and gripped Gilbert's free hand with one of his own, before focusing entirely on the road. They had wasted enough time.

* * *

Okay. Ludwig was West. That much he got. Did that make Gilbert East? Ludwig never called him that. If he did, Matt never heard it. Maybe... Maybe West was just a petname Gil had for his brother. Similar to the fact that the albino had a nickname for damn near everyone he met.

Matthew paced slightly, ignoring the worried tweets of the canary who was perched on a chair at the dining room table.

Part of him wasn't quite sure why he was worried. Gilbert was in good hands with his brother, so he wasn't exactly going to get into much trouble. Hard to believe, considering Gilbert had a knack for getting himself into a lot of trouble. So, on the one hand, Gilbert was perfectly safe.

But on the other, the anonymous messages he'd recieved were very worrying. Very worrying indeed. Gilbert had to be safe; Ludwig wouldn't let anything happen to him. He stopped pacing and put both hands over his ears. "...Believe, Mattie... believe your husband will be safe. Ludwig cares for him just as much as you do..." he chanted to himself. "Believe..."

 _Piyo?_ Matthew looked over at the canary, finally registering him being nearby, and out of comfort, he scooped up the little bird, being gentle with him, and held him close. "Sorry... sorry little Gilbird. I'm just scared. By God, I haven't been this scared for anyone since I found out Alfred was hanging out with Ivan... That man sure is scary. Have you met him?"

The bird looked at him silently. "...Of course you haven't. I don't even know if Gil has." He sighed, sitting on the arm of the couch.

His phone vibrated and reluctantly, he flipped open the message.

 _Hey bro_

Matthew sighed, setting the bird on his knee as he replied to it.

 _what?_

 _Sorry i wasn't more help to ya but if you'd let me make it up to ya, I can getcha to the ceremony site_

Ceremony site? He blinked in confusion.

 _how?_

 _Bro, I'm a pilot remember?_

This made him chuckle nervously. Of course. Alfred had a plane. The American sure liked flying the thing too. Maybe seeing Gil again would ease his worry?

 _...sure. You gonna fly it here, or just come get me?_

 _I'll come getcha in the plane! Dude quit forgetting you live in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere. you're surrounded in fields and dirt/gravel pathways. perfect for planes!_

Matthew put away his phone. He chose to live here. It was Canada, his home, and the nature surrounding his house was peaceful. There were many different animal calls, which he had fun trying to place. He loved hearing the wind blow through the bold leaves of the trees in the surrounding area, and the rain here was untainted by the city. Despite the other's fear, they both enjoyed the rain. There were days when the both of them, fully prepared for lightning and thunder, would simply sit outside in the rain for several minutes at a time. The petrichor was amazing..

Matthew pulled away from the couch, setting Gilbird safely on the back of it, as he rushed to the bedroom they shared. He tugged on the blue sweater lightly, listening to the chain of the Iron Cross hit itself as he moved.

Once inside the room, he stopped and thought to himself. Did he need to bring anything? As he scanned the room, his eyes fell on the half empty bottle of pink glittery liquid and he felt his heart start to pound. Surely he wouldn't have to use it... but he may as well. Though it would be as a last thought. Quickly, he gathered his clothes together.

When everything was said and done, the Canadian waited outside the house for the familiar plane in the sky, slightly pacing. He wore a white overcoat and had a rather normal looking backpack. The polar bear backpack was for simplier times with Gil. He loved the fuzzy, but he felt so.. fragile being near the German. Sometimes he forgot he could easily take care of himself. There was just something about the thought of being protected that he seemed to crave, so he acted a little shyer and a little weaker when his husband was around.

Though that didn't stop him from showing off when Gil got too cocky.

He stuffed his hands into the overcoat's pockets as his pacing slowed down. He adjusted the goggles that rested on his head slightly as he kept his indigo eyes toward the clouds. He pushed his boots together as he shifted his gaze toward the treeline.

One of the things that normally was here hadn't been, and it was also worrying. "Kuma!" Matthew yelled. It was almost scary how loud the shy Canadian could get, but his call went unanswered.

How long had it been since he'd seen his polar bear friend? A pure coincidence, surely... "Kumajiro... it's been a week. Where have you gone?" he said softer. He didn't expect an answer...

His attention was brought back to the skies when the sounds of a personal plane's engine broke the silence, and he smiled a little, adjusting his glasses. Was his brother going to land or would he have to jump on the ladder that could be pushed down? Judging by the speed his brother was currently travelling, it would probably be the latter, and Matthew took a small step back.

He'd have to rush this if he was to make the jump before Alfred would have to turn around. It's not like this motion wasn't highly practiced, but he still didn't want to miss.

Closer and closer the plane got and though it was hard to make out, he saw the door open and a rope ladder be thrown out. The moment he saw the door open, he bolted away from the house and toward the plane, running similar to how Gilbert taught him. That man was a master of the parkouring arts, and Gilbert told him that when he was on roofs, or even on flat ground, push off with his toes, and don't let the heel touch as hard as one normally would.

Faster and faster he ran, his chest heaving with the weight of the clothes and backpack as the plane got closer, until he was running against it. Both in a straight line headed on a collision course for one another, it was the perfect angle to catch the ladder at.

All at once, he reached out and jumped off the ground, grabbing the ladder just as it passed by, though the speed of the pane jerked him to the side. He held on tight, shutting his eyes until he stopped spinning, then he started to climb quickly with swift motions. The ladder was being lifted from the inside, and Matthew knew instantly that Alfred had a passenger, but he didn't mind as long as he got inside as quick as possible.

The hand that reached out to him to help him up belonged to an ashen blond with impossibly violet eyes and a knowing smile. Matthew reached out with his gloved hand to catch the Russian's black glove as he was pulled inside. Ivan shut the door quickly as Matthew relaxed against the side of the plane, panting slightly.

"Welcome comrade." Ivan chuckled, moving to take his place next to Alfred.

"Suuup Mattie! I was just dying to take my baby out again and this was totally the perfect excuse! I'm soo glad you agreed to this!" he shouted, focusing on turning the plane around.

Matthew chuckled halfheartedly and ran a hand through his hair. Why did Ivan have to be here!?

As if sensing what Matthew was thinking, the Russian turned to Matthew, never losing his strange smile. "We'll not make the ceremony. The afterparty will be our arrival time." He said.

Matthew clutched at his chest, feeling the Iron Cross beat against his chest under the clothes. So he'll miss the actual ceremony that Gilbert would be going through, but hopefully he could stop the other from drinking themselves in a stupor and shouting nonsensical German at the Canadian. He sighed softly and clutched tighter to the Cross.

 _I'm coming, Gil._

* * *

 **21:15 Berlin, Germany**

Gilbert collapsed at the desk, tossing his hat onto the mahogany top and folded his arms, laying his head on them as he silently prayed the darkness of sleep would take him away. He felt more depressed than anything, and now that the ceremony was over, he could let the rest of the day go by quicker. After all, Ludwig did promise him they would go drinking if he made it through without passing out.

Which he did. All with the promise of beer to drown his madness and sorrows.

With eyes shut, he simply waited for Ludwig to return from the finishing ceremonies that weren't for the public. There wasn't much to finish up with and for that he was thankful. He needed this more than anything.

Needed time to spend with his brother...

Needed time to forget...

He exhaled softly, lifting his head and lightly rubbing at his eyes. God, he was tired... It was a miracle he hadn't fallen asleep, but to be fair, he hadn't slept for a week now. In the car and on the plane for that 12 hour flight, which in reality only lasted 6 but time zones made it seem longer, he'd dozed several times, but each black out was simply that: a black out. No dreams or even noise, just inky darkness that blocked out the outside. The sole fact that sound started to exist again would wake him every time and he would jump, much to the concern of his brother, no matter how often it occured. He would only ever be out for, at most, a half hour at a time...

Soft footfalls on the otherside of the doorway alerted him and he quickly sat up, watching with a tired crimson gaze as the oak door swung open, and his gaze was met with icy blue. He relaxed and smiled toward his brother, who smiled in return.

"How are you feeling, Bruder?" He asked.

Gil rubbed at his head, letting his white hair shift with his hand before falling back into place naturally. **"Been better, I suppose."**

"I expected no less. Ve are free to leave if you vish to get out of zhe uniform and go out drinking vis me."

To that, Gilbert stood and grabbed his cap. **"I'm always ready to get out of this uniform. Lead the way, West."**

Ludwig turned around from the door and started walking away, leaving it open for Gil to walk through. When he exited, he shut the door and kept pace with Ludwig, their polished boots hitting the wood flooring in tandem. Both of the Germans moved through the halls and the streets with purpose, keeping beside each other with what seemed to be practiced marching.

Nearby Ludwig's home, which was rather nice for a house located directly in Berlin, was a bar that the both of them frequented. The owner knew them by name and by face, they were there that often. However, the German boys didn't go there immediately. There was the fact that they were still in uniform, and both desperately wished to simply _not be_ that they headed to Ludwig's house first.

Ludwig himself didn't mind the uniform, and neither did Feliciano, but he knew Gilbert didn't. The blond glanced down at his brother, who stared at the path ahead with his glossy crimson gaze, his hands balled into fists by his side. Softly, Ludwig let out a breath of concern, silently wishing he knew what his brother was feeling. It was so rare that his brother didn't smile, and marched so purposefully, that it actually made Ludwig feel concern for him.

Not that he always didn't feel that. Gilbert was reckless. He thought himself invincible, despite the constant reminders against it. Most of the actions, he did without consequence and most of said actions would result in pain. It wasn't until Matthew came into the picture that his older brother finally started to show restraint. ...That is, until Alfred would challenge him to something stupid.

Gilbert never could resist a challenge.

"Bruder...?" Ludwig started. There was much he wanted to ask, but he was never one for words. He looked away from the crimson hues his brother directed at him.

 _ **"Was?"**_

The younger slowed their pace as they neared his home. "...you know I vould never admit zhis openly if I didn't mean it. Ve bozh are bad vis our feelings." Gilbert laughed softly at that, his lips curling into a smile. Ludwig gave a weak one in return, glad to know Gil still had a sense of humour, even if it was hardly seen. He moved closer to his door to unlock it, hearing the scampering of pawpads against his floors from the other side of the door.

The moment between his previous words, and the next, seemed to last a lifetime as he unlocked his door and held onto the knob. He stayed motionless in the silence before turning to face his brother, his normally piercing icy blue gaze much softer. His words would be filled with sincerity.

" _Ich habe dich so vermisst._ " he said softly. Gilbert's face softened as he looked up at his brother, his hands having buried themselves in his pockets. He studied Ludwig's face and his eyes in silence, before giving him a wide, genuine smile.

" _ **Ich habe dich mehr, West. Du bist mein kleiner Bruder.. Du bist alles, was ich für die längste Zeit, Ich bin nur traurig, dass ich nicht um, dass oft."**_

To that, Ludwig let out a soft fit of laughter, and Gilbert responded with his own. **"What's so funny?"**

When the blond relaxed, he tightened his grip on the doorknob. "You are married. I don't expect you around anymore." He turned from his brother to open the door, to find all three of his dogs eager to greet their Master as the door. They were jumping over each other, acting more like puppies than the obedient hounds they were. _"SIZTEN!"_ Ludwig barked at them, and immediately, the German Shepard, the Golden Retriever, and the Doberman complied.

Gil was a bit hesitant to go inside, knowing how little the dogs thought of him, but he followed his brother after he was given a look of encouragement from the younger. Cautiously, he passed the three dogs, and the German Shepard growled softly at him, despite the glares she recieved from Ludwig.

With unconscious steps, Gil went upstairs immediately, headed toward the room that used to be his when he lived here with his brother. Did he leave anything behind? Surely he wouldn't have taken everything when he moved in Matthew... To sate his curiosity, he stepped into his room and looked into the closet, finding the clothes Matthew had picked out for him long ago when they first started dating. He chuckled softly and quickly started to discard his uniform, folding it nicely despite his rushed removal. He brought the clothes from inside his closet to his nose and inhaled.

After he got past the initial dusty smell, he found the smell of syrup that he so desperately longed for. Once he missed, and one he fell in love with when he first met Matthew. His smile became one of nostalgia as he threw on the dark red flannel. It's something he never thought he'd enjoy wearing, but with some encouragement, he started to like it.

Moving over to the full length mirror in the corner of his room, he examined himself. Dark blue jeans, red unbuttoned flannel over a light gray undershirt, golden Iron Cross around his neck, and black boots at his feet. He chuckled softly, remembering his look well. When he was satisfied with his look, he left the room, to find Ludwig waiting at the base of the stairs.

The blond had let a bit of his hair fall from its normal gelled back position, and the white stripe that was normally concealed was visible over his eye. Gil chuckled and pulled back his hair, revealing his own discolouration as Ludwig turned his gaze upward, silently judging Gilbert for his choice of clothes. The younger German wore forest green pants and a black undershirt, concealed only by the white unbuttoned shirt he wore over it. The Iron Cross he had recieved was visible over it all.

" **Come, West. You owe me a couple drinks for staying awake throughout that damn ceremony. It's always so boring. Besides, it's kind of a tradition, ja?"** he laughed.

Ludwig just shook his head, glad to see Gilbert laughing about something and he headed for the door. The albino bounded up beside him, trying to maintain a positive outlook, despite the day and situation. His signature smile was painted on his lips as he chuckled to an unknown cause. "Glad to see you're feeling better, Bruder." Ludwig said softly.

Gil merely nodded in reply, stuffing his hands into his pockets as they left Ludwig's home entirely, and headed for the bar they frequented. **"Ja. So, West, how's your tolerance? I bet I can still out-drink you!"**

Ludwig let out a soft fit of laughter, pulling out his hand to hit Gilbert affectionately across his back. "You vish! I've been practicing to beat you, und I vill do it today." Normally the younger German wouldn't be anywhere near this expressive, but he felt that Gilbert needed a source of laughter right now. He suffered plenty during their separation, but he knew Gilbert went through much more pain emotionally. Maybe even physically.

The West just suffered economically. They barely had enough to go around and every ally and the East refused to help them, so they had to make due with what they could. That's where Ludwig was trapped. He wasn't sure why he was seperated from his brother, but they refused to let them back together. The guards on the Wall purposefully kept them apart.

The East wasn't anywhere near as bad. It still had contact with the outside world, and they treated themselves as if the West didn't exist at all. Gilbert was thrown here. Ludwig is the only family Gil had left, and he didn't want to lose him too...

Gilbert's laughter was loud. **"You wish! Hear that? Luddy thinks he can outdo his brother! You've said that every year Bruder, but you haven't shown me you can actually beat me!"**

"Zhis year, I vill!"

 **"You have to prove that to me!"**

The pair walked into the bar to be greated by several of the patrons. They all knew the pair well. At least, those who frequented the area. The only thing they really knew was Gilbert and Ludwig would come in about this time every year, and drink each other under the table. First to fall loses and pays the tab, plus one round for everyone in the bar.

It seemed that because of that reason alone, each year would get busier and busier, but they always made room for the Germans.

Ludwig and Gilbert both sat at a table, kept unnocupied just for them, near the bar itself. They both stared at each other in silence, Ludwig looking determined while Gilbert looking exausted, but entertained.

On practiced motions, one of the bartenders walked closer with a tray holding 8 mugs of the golden liquid. He set them down then left to retrieve more.

Ludwig's record was seven of them before he fell, and Gilbert's was nine. When the man had left, the duo started their game, chugging down the amber alcohol as quick as they could.

At the start, they were pretty evenly matched, Gilbert slightly ahead in his bottoming of the glasses... but Ludwig was quickly catching up. A small crowd had gathered around them, cheering for their respective German, but most had their bets on Gil. Those who weren't here near as often cheered for Ludwig, which gave him renewed vigour.

By glass 6, Ludwig had momentarily paused to, in a rather undignified manner, belch up whatever air the beer had caused. Gilbert quickly followed suit as their drinking slowed. Ludwig sighed in annoyance as he felt his face start to heat up, the beer working quickly against their race. Though with a smug smirk, he noticed the same starting to happen with his brother. But he only noticed it as he downed his seventh glass. Ludwig had only just finished his sixth.

East leaned back a bit in the chair, holding his mug slightly higher as his grin dulled down, the warm alcohol taking its effect quicker to him than his brother because of the exhaustion he felt. He shut his eyes momentarily as he started on the eighth glass, before a soft groan from Ludwig made him open them again.

The blond had significantly slowed in his drinking, before he leaned across the table, setting the half finished seventh glass down to avoid dropping it.

Hoots and hollers around for the winner that was the albino! Gilbert finished up his glass and held it above his head, failing to notice the fact his vision was blurred more than it normally was after eight glasses of German beer.

"Gah... _verdammt_ East... you f..fucking beat me again." Ludwig groaned, sitting back up to finish his glass. Gilbert just chuckled.

 **"Ja, vell, I .. told you you couldn't beat me! I'm zhe awesome one in our group und your** _ **kleine**_ **..mmh, Axis group. You, vis your ...** _ **niedlichen italienschen Freund**_ **.. you vere lucky I didn't get to him first!"**

"Bruder! You vill stay avay from Feliciano! You have zhat Canadian and I see zhe vay you look at him! Don't even try to tell me zhat-" His words were cut off as he noticed the albino suddenly fall limp, dropping the glass and shattering it against the ground. The sudden weakness sobered up the German pretty quickly, though he was still tipsy as he stood, both hands on the table. "Bruder?" he called.

By his sheer position alone, the albino was still leaning back in the chair, balancing on its hind legs and keeping himself upright by his knee and feet under the table's surface, but he was unresponsive to Ludwig's call.

Ludwig walked around the table to get a better look at him to wonder if he was alright. Imagine his surprise when he found out Gil was asleep.

Asleep, not just dozing. His chest was heaving slowly. The sight alone made Ludwig laugh softly. "... _Schlaf gut, Bruder._ " he muttered, pulling out his wallet to pay the tab he owed the bar for their drinks, plus a round, as per tradition. Time to get Gilbert home...

* * *

"Comrade...Matthew?" called the Russian.

The plane had been still for a few minutes as Alfred had landed it in a field nearby to the German's home. This same field Gilbert would often sneak away to to play his flute, or simply want to be alone. Which honestly was fairly rare he'd ever want to be alone. Alfred and Ivan both watched the Canadian sleep against the wall of the plane, clutching his backpack tightly. Alfred just smiled, but Ivan looked a little worried.

"Does he always sleep like this?" he asked, to which Alfred nodded.

"Pretty deep dreamer, dude. We both are!" Lightly he nudged Matthew's leg with his foot, which made the Canadian groan. "Yoo Mattie, we're here. Wake up." he called.

Matthew opened his indigo eyes and noticed his glasses had managed to skew. With another soft grumble, he fixed them and stared up at Ivan, who never stopped staring at him. "..We're here. Right.. um... how long was I out?"

Alfred laughed and Ivan even smiled as a result. "Practically the whole trip dude! I thought it was the demon that wasn't getting the sleep?"

The Russian looked astonished he would call Gilbert a demon, and he gave Alfred a dark look, standing up to tower over the American. "It's not polite to call him a demon, _moye solntse_ , just because he looks different."

It wasn't often Ivan raised his voice, or even sounded angered toward Alfred, but this had the American taking a step back. For once, his words were lost as he looked up, rather frightened, at the violet of the ashen blond. There was something he wasn't saying... why was Ivan getting so defensive? Matthew noticed Ivan absently cling to the bottom of his scarf, tugging at it slightly.

Quickly, Matt stood up and took the step closer, grabbing ahold of Ivan's arm. "W-wait! Gil doesn't mind! Al is the only person he'd let call him that, please don't worry!" Ivan looked over at Matthew slowly as he mulled over his words, and after a couple silent moments, his gaze softened.

Quickly, he scooped up the American in a hug, lifting him off the ground. " _Izvinite_ _,_ Alfred..." he mumbled into his shoulder. Alfred would have sighed in relaxation, but it was impossible to _inhale_ let alone exhale.

"I-it's fine, moon...put me down, man!" he cried, struggling slightly as his face started to flush. "You know I don't like being picked up!" Soft laughter came from the Russian as he set him down and lightly ruffled his hair, being careful of the cowlick the American had.

Matthew relaxed a little, headed for the door of the plane. "Thank you Al, for bringing me here.. You.. ah, gonna stay for awhile or head back immediately?"

"Someone's gotta bring you home, Mattie. We'll stick around awhile. "

Matthew smiled at that answer. Obviously satisfied, he hopped out of the plane and immediately booked it toward Ludwig's home. If nobody was there, he'd have to try the bar... Those were the only two places he knew Gilbert would be at this time of night.

His steps were heavy as the anonymous messages he'd recieved suddenly came to mind. His chest heaved as he ran across the field and up to the streets, looking out of place dressed in a white coat. _Please be wrong... please let Gil be alright..._ he thought to himself, moving slightly faster. The turns he rounded weren't as graceful, and he would either have to slow down, or try and jump to be able to make such a sharp maneuvour, as he found out by nearly sliding and falling forward. His reflexes were better than that though, and he managed to catch himself.

A left... a right, another right... There it is! he had ran past the bar merely a few minutes ago and Ludwig's home was in sight! There were two lights on in the house that he could tell from the windows. One was downstairs nearby the door, indicating someone was home. The other, was upstairs in a room he remembered well.

Before they married, both Gilbert and Matthew would visit each other's homes, either as a surprise, or because they were wanted over. It took Gil some getting used to that Matt was the only one in his home, and Ludwig eventually stopped being a courteous host for the Canadian. He was eventually given permission to pilfer through their home, but only after Matthew was over oven enough that the dogs wouldn't bark at his mere presence. It was just nice enough to see Gil calm down enough to stop being so reckless, and smile with a point to make someone other than himself happy.

A smile coming from the heart is the best to see.

Matthew slowed down his run to a end up jogging up to the white fence surrounding Ludwig's home, and he hopped over it rather than go through the gate. His jog had slowed once again to a walk as he got closer to the door.

Even before he got there, there was barking coming from behind the door. Three different pitches coming from three different dogs, and Ludwig's voice was heard above them all in what he could only assume was to tell them to shut up. Matthew smiled slightly as he stood outside the forest green door, before he knocked against it, signalling more barking from the trio. Again, Ludwig called, marching over to the top of the staircase. " _Verdammt noch mal, halt die Klappe! Gilbert's eigentlich schlafen, so dass ihm nicht aufwachen, sonst wirst du alle draußen schlafen!"_ he shouted, and the barking quieted down.

Matthew laughed softly as the door opened, showing Ludwig who was presently shirtless in his own home. Gil and Ludwig had similar builds, but the German was bulkier. Gil described it once as Ludwig was built for power, but he had the speed. Which definitely would explain the parkour rather than the straight running. The blue eyed German stared dumbfoundedly at Matthew, before ushering him inside. Twas impolite to keep a guest outside.

"Matzhew! I didn't expect to see you here." he said softly, rubbing at his head. He caught a glimpse of the white stripe Gil mentioned earlier before the blond covered it up. He also noticed that the German was blushing. Wonder why..

...did it smell like alcohol in here?

"I came to see Gil... I started to worry."

Ludwig watched him silently before nodding. "He mentioned you vorried about him. Just because he hasn't been sleeping vell, ja?"

"Yeah well, I worry about him regardless."

Ludwig chuckled softly. "Vell, you'll be glad to know he's sleeping."

"Like... actually sleeping?" His indigo hues went wide as he stared at the other, who nodded in response.

"Ve had out annual contest, to vhich he still kicked mein arse, but right after, he fell asleep. Not like he vas on zhe vay over here, just dozing, but actually asleep."

Matthew glanced toward the upper landing of the staircase and hummed softly. It was nice to know his husband was sleeping for once. Though the messages were still on his mind. "...Who'd have thought getting him drunk would do the trick. How long to you suspect he'll be out?"

Ludwig put his hand to his chin in thought, his other resting on his hip as he followed Matthew's gaze. "More zhan a day if his body is to recover from zhe veek of sleeplessness. So, I suppose, it's gut you're here. I usually bring him back visin a couple days, but if he's out cold..."

Matthew held up a hand to silence him. "It's alright.. Mind if I strip off the coat? It's a bit hot here for that."

Ludwig just nodded, holding out his hands to take the coat. Even in his dulled state, he noticed the necklace Matthew wore, but said nothing of it. Matthew shrugged off the fabric and folded it in Ludwig's grip, lightly tugging his dark red hooded sweatshirt down before stuffing his hands inside the pockets of his light gray pants. "Do you ever vear anyzhing vis short sleeves?" Ludwig asked, hanging the overcoat up. Matthew held onto the backback after some thought, bringing his hands out from his pants.

He just grinned stupidly in response, before focusing back at the staircase. "...Do you think I can see him, or will it wake him up?"

"Nein, go ahead. I zhink his mind vill be more at ease vis you around. Zhere's only so much zhe compass can do for him."

Compass? He tore his gaze away and looked at Ludwig, who gave him a knowing smile. "Vest. To his East." the German said, and Matthew just nodded, before taking careful steps up the stairs. It was only a moment before he realized Ludwig following him.

 **Will you ever see him the same?**

 **Will he be safe?**

Matthew climbed the stairs a bit faster, slightly apprehensive of his phone. He felt the bump of the rectangular object protruding from his pants and sighed gently, finally climbing to the top of the stairs. His pace after that was of familiar steps toward the room he frequently visited with Gilbert, back when they lived seperately. Part of him wanted to be quiet as he reached the door, and part of him wanted to rush in. His heart raced as he pressed his head to the wooden door, listening to the soft, familiar noises of Gilbert sleeping on the other side. He felt the racing organ start to slow down in comfort as he opened the door and slipped inside.

The room did indeed have a light on, but it was a soft one of the nightstand. Not enough to light the whole room, but bright enough to pierce the darkness of the outside. He quickly crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to the covered, seemingly nude albino, who was out like a light. He felt the bed shift under him, causing the limp body of the other to roll slightly toward him. Lazily, he set the backpack down on the side of the bed.

Slowly, the worries he felt started to melt, until he felt his phone vibrate.

It was then he was sure his heart stopped.

Keeping one hand on Gilbert's hip, he pulled out his phone. One new message...

 _ **Things are not as they seem**_

?! Huh? He stared at the message in confusion, just before another came through.

 _ **Is he safe?**_

 _yes_

 _ **Truly safe?**_

He looked away from the phone, not noticing the confused look Ludwig was giving them. His gaze fell on Gilbert's face and then his chest. Carefully, he leaned forward and pulled Gil back enough to press his ear to his chest. Everything sounded okay... his breathing and the noises he was making sounded like his sleep was peaceful. He wasn't fidgeting or crying out like he sometimes would. Everything was quiet.

Matthew set the phone down on his thigh and caressed his husband's hand between his own, lightly rubbing the digits carefully. Gilbert was safer with his brother than hardly anywhere else, and he was thankful for that. If anyone would protect him, it had to be Ludwig.

 _ **He won't be the same.**_

 _ **Do you want to go through with this?**_

 _ **You can't go back after you choose.**_

He stopped breathing as he stared at the glowing screen, gripping Gilbert's hand a little tighter than he meant to, and the tight grip he recieved back was startling enough. He tore his gaze away from the screen to Gil, frightened he woke him up, only to find the squeezing was a subconscious reaction.

He exhaled slowly to still his heart, before looking back at the phone. Go through with what? What did they mean it's a final decision? This was all too weird. He shook his head slightly and set the phone asside, after locking it, then shifting his gaze up to Ludwig, who looked more confused than before.

"...Vhat vas going on? You looked scared?" his frame relaxed a little as he shifted his weight onto his hip. Matthew just smiled in response. There was no need for him to really know, was there? Maybe there was... If there was a threat to Gilbert, Ludwig had to know.

Maybe it wasn't a threat to Gilbert, but instead a threat to himself? Or maybe, someone was trying to break them up? Protectively, he leaned over the albino, hugging him close. Nobody could break them apart. He wouldn't let that happen.

"...I dunno how to explain it." he said after a moment.

Ludwig moved closer to kneel beside the bed, in front of Matthew. Deja vu... "Try?" he asked. Gilbert had said the same thing about his dreams in the car ride. Though true enough he didn't really understand what was happening, he got a better idea of what his brother was going through.

Matthew sat up and looked down at the German, before sighing. "..Alright. I've been getting some weird messages since this morning and they were freaking me out." he admitted.

Ludwig got a bit more comfortable on the floor and urged him to continue with a hand motion. Matthew cleared his throat as a response and struggled to find the words..

"That's actually the main reason I came here. The messages...were worrying. Saying things like 'will i ever see him the same' and 'will he be safe'... I knew he'd be safe with you. If there's anyone he'd be safest with, it had to have been you." The comment caused Ludwig to look off and rub the back of his neck, but he said nothing. "...And just now it.. it said 'he won't be the same. Do you want to go through with this?' and 'you can't go back after you choose.'" He trailed off, starting to look sad again.

Ludwig nodded. "I can see vhy you're upset. Zhey are vorrying indeed. Don't vorry zhough, Gilbert vill be safe. I have kept him from harm und he vill probably be asleep for avhile." The German stood long enough to scoot to the other side of the bed, and sit down comfortably. It was then he pulled Matthew between them. In a rare display of affection, toward his brother's husband anyway, he pulled Matthew close to himself in a hug, knowing he probably needed one. "He... told me about his dreams. "

Matt's heart lept in anxiousness as he leaned into Ludwig. "...Oh he did? What did he say?"

His gaze shifted toward the window momentarily before he responded. "He told me zhey vere impossible. He aslo told me zhere vas somezhing familiar about zhis.. person he kept meeting. Said he vas zhe kind to chase avay his demons. You vouldn't happen to know who zhat vould be, vould you?" he asked.

Matt's indigo gaze looked up at the ice blue in astonishment. Was Ludwig... teasing? When did he ever do that?! _I guess he really is different when it comes to Gil..._

"...I...I have...um, no clue?"

Ludwig laughed a bit, bringing up a hand to rub at his face slightly. Almost immediately after his laughter ended, he gave a soft hiccup. He then cleared his throat after and stayed silent for a moment. "He said it vas you. Und zhere vas one time he didn't zhink you vere real."

Oh right.. they were drunk. No wonder Ludwig was being more affectionate than normal. He exhaled softly, processing his words. "...I was there. He told me about that." he lied. He wasn't sure if Ludwig caught on to that. Both Gil and Alfred both kept telling him he was a pretty horrible liar, but since Ludwig was drunk, maybe he wouldn't notice.

Thankfully for him, it didn't look like he did. Ludi merely nodded in response. "Of course he vould. You are his special someone. I doubt zhere's anyzhing he keeps from you." He pulled him in closer, almost as if it was he who needed the affection. Where was Feli? He was almost afraid to ask... Matthew lifted a hand and lightly gripped Ludwig's, noticing the German resting against his shoulder.

"..he actually stopped for awhile. it wasn't until... the day before yesterday that he actually started talking to me again. I knew something about his dreams were bothering him, because he'd wake up in the middle of the night and walk out on me... but I don't know what exactly was happening. Everytime I'd ask he'd tell me not to worry about it..."

"Sounds like Bruder alright." Ludi huffed. "He doesn't tell zhe vorld of his problems... he's too awesome for zhat." Matthew laughed a little at that.

"So true. You know how long it took him to tell me what was wrong _before_ we started dating? I had to pry it out of him with a crowbar!"

Both he and Ludwig were laughing gently at this point, glad they could share something about Gil. When the laughter died down, Matthew's eyes fell back on the sleeping form, and his smile slowly faded. "...His dreams look quiet this time. Every other time, he looked like he was in pain, struggling to stay asleep."

"...vould you believe me if i said he alvays looked like zhat? His sleep vas always restless. I stopped vorrying after avhile." Ludwig mumbled, turning to stare at Gil as well.

"Yeah, I kinda would. Those with the biggest smiles have the most to hide. " _Was his childhood like that of the other Gil's too? Was he hurt... called names and such?_ he thought to himself in the silence that followed. "Ludwig, would you mind if I stayed with Gil for a bit? There's a lot I gotta think about, and I kinda want to be alone with him for that."

The German lifted his head in curiosity, but nodded. "Ja, ja.. I don't see vhy not. If you need me, call me, ja?" he slid out of the bed, lightly kissing his cheek as a goodbye gesture Feli drilled into him, and headed for the door. Matthew merely nodded and blushed softly at the motion, staring down at Gil again.

When Ludwig finally left the room, Matthew laid down beside him, interlacing their fingers together, as he stared at the sleeping form. What could those messages possibly have meant? Gilbert looked fine. He propped himself up on one arm, lightly thumbing over his hand as he held onto it. "Gil.. I'm so scared." he mumbled, laying his head down on the pillow and pushing himself closer.

"...I'm so scared for you. For us... What if someone's trying to take you away from me.. how will I know until it's too late?"

He shivered slightly, putting his head to the other's chest. Subconciously, Gilbert draped his arm around the other, but did little else. Matthew blushed softly. It was wonderful being this close to him. Even better now that he was actually sleeping. Would Alfred be upset if he decided to take a nap next to him?

Surely not.. He thought for a moment, looking back up at the other's sleeping face, wondering what he was dreaming about.

 _There is one way to find out..._ he thought, glancing over in the general direction of his backpack. He shook his head slightly, almost afraid to use it again. What would he see this time? He didn't really want to find out. Focusing back on Gil again, he lightly pulled his hand away from the others, and stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers. He was so soft. You wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at him, but he was. Matthew smiled slightly, his thumb lightly grazing the other's lip. Every part of him was soft.

He watched as Gil's brow furrowed slightly in his sleep and he inhaled, tossing himself over to his back and throwing an arm above his head, propping up the pillow, before he exhaled sharply. Matt was almost afraid he'd woken up. Though in the silent moments that followed, he watched as the frustrated look the albino had gained hadn't disappeared. Was he starting to have nightmares again?

Again, he glanced toward the direction of his backpack. There really was only one way to find out. He reached up and gripped the Iron Cross tightly, debating with himself whether or not he should. He did bring the bottle with him on the off chance he did, and this was the perfect opportunity.

Finally losing the war, he crawled over Gil and dug through the backpack, looking for the half full bottle of glittery liquid. Once located, he pushed himself back up and seated himself comfortably next to Gilbert, the backpack beside him.

He stared down at the bottle, lightly thumbing over the cap. With a sharp sigh, he pulled it off and downed a swig, and imediately, he started to shake. When he pulled the bottle from his lips, he quickly covered his mouth, struggling not to throw up the liquid. There was no way it was this thick before! When he finally swallowed it all, he panted, his body shaking slightly more violently. "Ugh, why couldn't it have tasted better..." he mumbled, capping the bottle and stuffing it into the backpack again.

The effects of the potion were taking effect swiftly. He laid down next to the albino and cuddled close to him, laying his head on his chest as his mind clouded and darkened... The final thing he heard was a deep male voice, sounding oddly similar to his own.

 **Here's to another adventure Matthew... You have one chance.**

* * *

Translations(ish):

 _-Ich habe dich so vermisst:_ I missed you  
- _ **Ich habe dich mehr, West. Du bist mein kleiner Bruder.. Du bist alles, was ich für die längste Zeit, Ich bin nur traurig, dass ich nicht um, dass oft:**_ I missed you more, West. You're my little brother, and you're all I have. I'm just sorry I haven't been around more  
- _Sitzen:_ Sit  
- _ **niedlichen italienschen Freund**_ : cute Italian boyfriend  
- _moye solntse_ : my sun  
- _izvinite_ : sorry  
- _Verdammt noch mal, halt die Klappe! Gilbert's eigentlich schlafen, so dass ihm nicht aufwachen, sonst wirst du alle draußen schlafen!:_ For fuck's sake, shut up! Gilbert's finally sleeping, and I swear if you wake him up, you're all sleeping outside!


	13. The Wall

Something felt... different. The darkness he fell through this time around didn't feel as dark or cold as before. It didn't feel quite the same.

Matthew's eyes flew open at the sound of birds nearby and he lazily stared into the sky directly above him. Well, at least this time he was on his back, as opposed to the other to times when for some reason, he was on his face. First thing he noticed through blurred vision was it was daylight outside. The past two times he'd drank the potion, he fell into the darkness of a night sky. Was that why it felt so different?

The sky was a hazy brown and yellow as the sun dared poke through what clouds obscured it, opposed to the normal light blue he was used to. He moved his hand around the grass in which he lay, looking for his glasses, which thankfully weren't far from his reach. He sat upright, slipping the glasses back onto his nose as he looked around through the dew kissed lenses.

Where was he? To his right was a collection of dilapidated buildings. Buildings that looked strewn together from buildings that were once standing. It looked... awful. Who could live here? Slowly, Matthew stood from the grass and shifted slightly to stay standing with his shaky balance. The streets weren't clean, and if anything, everything just had a dirty look to them. To his left was a large gray wall looming in the distance, covered in graffiti of many sizes, many colours, and many designs. Where was-

Wait, wall?

He stared in horror at the wall, patrolled by many blond guards, all looking oddly similar with the uniforms. The wall?

 _THE WALL?!_

He tentatively moved toward the gray slate and reached out to touch it, hating the fact that the stone was smooth, despite the obvious tiny piths of the surface, and cold. It was real. This wall was real.

He was in Germany now... but was it the east or the west?

He could only assume is the worst side. That was the West, right? Why would he be on the West if he took that potion.. was he wrong?

Shouting from nearby brought him out of his thoughts. He quickly scanned the area for the source of the angry German words being shouted without a care who heard. It sounded similar to how Gilbert would talk, but this wasn't his voice. He knew his voice and this wasn't it. When located, the source of the voices was a small group of soldiers crowded over a form in scrappy blue clothes but other than that, he could see nothing of the figure.

He couldn't understand the German being yelled at all, even though Gilbert was teaching him slowly about small words and phrases. Strange, how some of it seemed to sound like Russian too. But that had to be a coincidence, surely.

Matthew never knew when he moved exactly, but he neared the group, and inhaled to yell at them, but just as he got close enough, the small group dispersed leaving the figure shivering and cowering on the ground below. More unknown words were spat at him as Matthew remained unseen by the passing guards, until only the two remained.

He ran over to kneel by the figure, taking in his features as much as he could see. He had his face and head covered by his arms, but he could see tufts of white hair from under his ripped shirt. As he lifted the man's torso up into his lap and arms, he moved away his arms gingerly, softly muttering soft words to calm him down enough so where he could relax.

"Don't worry...they're gone now. I'm here. Let me see your face.." he asked, gently trying to tug away his arms. At the sound of Matthew's voice, the man below tensed up and moved his head from under his arms, until a single heterochromatic eye stared widely, and frightfully, up at him.

So it was Gilbert...

Matthew inhaled slowly. "Gil please...let me see your face. I promise they're gone."

The albino below looked off in contemplation before complying, lowering his arms from his face. There was a large bruise covering his other eye, and several cuts over his face and nose. He stared off before looking up at Matthew expectantly. The Canadian stared in horror, lightly tracing the air above each mark, afraid to touch them. "...That's unacceptable. We need to get you all fixed up...people shouldn't have hurt you like that." he muttered, helping the albino to his feet.

Once standing, Gil reached over to cup his face with his gloved hands, staring at him almost in disbelief. He recognized the voice, recognized his face... was it the same? "Are you an Angel... sent to guide me? You seem...to be here vhenever I need you..zhough I call for you.." he muttered, his accent unwavered, despite his injuries.

Matthew lightly grabbed his hand before putting his arm around Gilbert's waist to keep him upright. "Cmon...let's just get to your house."

"...so tired..." Gilbert muttered, dropping his hands before falling limp against him, the severity of his wounds making him fall unconscious.

The sudden change in weight made Matthew stumble slightly, and quickly move to catch Gilbert before he fell. He wasn't sure of the severity of his wounds, but if he had remained conscious long enough for help to arrive, maybe they were worse than what he could see. Carefully, he sunk down to pick up the German under his legs, throwing his weight more evenly into his arms as he carried him in a more bridal style like fashion.

With a heavy sigh, he took heavy steps to away from the wall, and toward the set of homes nearby. He wondered silently which one Gil himself belonged to. It wasn't exactly like he could ask Gilbert himself which house was his own. Maybe he could guess?

As he walked closer, between the streets, he noticed there was a set of houses, or whatever the buildings could be, set in a circle. There was one house in the middle that looked a little better than the rest, but not by much. It still looked its age, but he could at least make out the color of the walls and door. Strange thing was, the house itself looked just like the house Ludwig had in reality, with beige walls, two stories, and a dark green door. Just more...ancient.

A worried twittering brought his attention away from the building, and toward the source of such. A canary flew over from a nearby tree to land on Gilbert's chest, looking up at Matthew strangely. Matthew smiled, knowing full well who it was. Gil always had a strange way with animals, but birds more than anything. "Hello little Gilbird." He said softly. The canary tilted his head in confusion. how can this human know who he was? He'd never seen this human before, but he carried his Prussia, so he must be a nice human.

Gilbird spread his wings and gave a long tweet, deciding Matthew was nice, before facing Gilbert's front and nesting on his chest in worry. The Canadian hummed softly. "Actually little bird, I need your help. Which house is yours? " He had a pretty good guess, but he needed confirmation. The canary perked up when being addressed. House? What house? Prussia house?

Must be Prussia house. He jumped off Gilbert and flew off. Matthew paid close attention to his flight and followed after him. "Thank you!" he called.

When the canary finally landed, it was on the windowsill of the house in the middle with the green door. "I had a feeling..." he said softly, moving to try the door, only to find it locked. Why did he expect any different? He gave a long sigh, setting Gilbert down on his feet, but keeping a tight grip to his waist to keep him from falling over, as he used his free hand to pilfer through the other's pockets. He had to have a key somewhere.

In his left pants pocket was where the bronze key was found, and he quickly used it to open the door, pushing it as open as it would go. The sudden wind change blew over several pieces of paper from a door that wasn't entirely closed, but other than that, everything seemed fine. It was definitely cleaner than the outside of the house, that was for sure. Seemed even here, Gilbert maintained his cleaning tick..

Once he dragged the unconscious albino through the door, he moved to close it, but paused halfway through to let Gilbird inside. The canary was grateful for the invitation and flew in to land on the post at the base of the stairs. It was then he fully closed the door.

With a soft grunt, he lifted Gilbert back into his arms again, and headed upstairs. If this house was anything like Ludwig's, which it looked to be, his bedroom would be upstairs, the only one on the same side as the staircase itself. Carefully, he stepped up the stairs with the albino against his chest. Once he reached the top, he lightly bumped against the door with his shoulder to open up the room more fully, as the door wasn't entirely closed.

With a grateful sigh, he noticed he was right. This house really must be Ludwigs...or just really similar. He wondered just what else was like the real world. He stepped inside the room and moved toward the bed, laying the albino down on the bed in the middle of the room, above the blankets and sheets. He tried to make him as comfortable as possible.

When Gilbert was no longer in his arms, he sat down on the bed next to him and sighed heavily. "...What's going on here. What is even happening with that potion anyway? How does it decide what I see or where I go?" He asked softly, knowing nobody could answer. However, he did hear a deep, unfamiliar hum after he asked it, and cautiously, he looked around to try and find the source. His unease grew when he failed.

With the sudden need to busy himself, he lifted up Gilbert's torso to sit him up, as he started removing what clothing he wore. He needed to help Gilbert heal and tend to his wounds. Hopefully they weren't that bad.

However, his hopes were dashed once the jacket and shirt were removed. His chest was covered with dark red and purple bruises, as well as several cuts and gashes that didn't look too good themselves. He hated to see how bad his legs were, but he begrudgingly slid the pants and boots off. Thankfully, his legs weren't as bad, but they were still bruised up with large purple spots.

Matthew sat in still silence as he laid Gilbert back down, simply staring at his form. His pale skin was full of colour in all the wrong ways, and he looked so pitiful in unconsciousness like this. He noticed his breathing was rather ragged, but it didn't look like he'd wake anytime soon. Why were those people just beating on him like a defenseless animal? Did he say something wrong to them? Knowing Gilbert that may have been the case, but he couldn't imagine that he would be unable to defend himself.

Matthew stood from the bed and headed across the hallway toward the bathroom, in search of a medical kit to help bandage and disinfect his wounds. Gil needed tending to and since he was the only one around, it was left to him. To his dismay, there was nothing in the bathroom, even if it looked clean. Barely anything to clean himself with in a shower, let alone bandages.

He frowned silently and headed downstairs toward the kitchen, still in search for something. Even a cloth would help. A cloth and a bowl of hot water. He wouldn't resort to that if he could help it though, as it didn't do much in the way of disinfecting. It did however, clean his skin for bandages.

Looking through the rather bare kitchen, he sighed verbally in once again, finding nothing. It was strange seeing so little in a house so clean. Each cabinet and closet he seemed to search through carried little, if nothing at all, and he became increasingly more frustrated. The final door he searched through was the half open door with scattered papers inside, the very same that blew open when he initially opened the front door.

When he opened the door, he was shocked to see the state of such, as papers littered the floor and the single desk in the room. Some were balled up, some were written on in red letters, and others were stacked on the desk. Regardless, the floor itself could not be seen. How had Gilbert let this room get so bad? Wasn't he usually a neat freak?

With another sigh, he postponed his initial investigation of his house, and started to clean the room, kneeling to pick up paper after paper. The first time he paused, was when he came across a sheet of paper with large letters written in red ink. Not stamped on, but written.

The stamp said: OVERDUE

The words, however, crossed out the stamp as much as it could and off to the side were written: Budget for food this time. must make for a week.

...He had to make a budget for food? Carefully he set that paper down and continued searching. He paid careful attention to the stamped papers. Some were crossed out with food, or clothes written down. One had water, and a final had construction.

The second time he stopped, there was a hand written letter that was half finished, mixed among the bills.

 _I can't stand this. I need to see you again. If it weren't for this damn wall, I could touch you. Even for a moment. I need to touch you.. I have a feeling the soldiers know of our ravens but they don't seem to be stopping them, and for that I'm thankful. I can feel you on the other side... are you thinking of me? I can't imagine how your side is. I know the West is doing much better than myself.. Russia is only giving me a set budget and I have to somehow manage to use to keep my people surviving. It's getting so hard._

 _People are rioting again and I don't blame them. I join in every chance I get. I need to see you. I miss your voice. I miss your touch. I can't do this brother!_

 _Today I intend to find a way through the wall. There has to be a weakness somewhere. I will get-_

Matthew swallowed the lump in his throat, noticing the letter was unfinished. This was definitely Gilbert's handwriting. Was he talking about Ludwig? So he was on the east side, not the west like he thought. How had he gotten it backwards?

There was a loud caw that startled him and made him scream. He gripped the paper tightly to his chest as he fell backward, immediately looking to the window to the source of the noise, and he saw a large black raven sitting on the windowsill. He slowly exhaled to bring his heart rate down when he realized there was nothing around him that would hurt him. "God, you scared me..."

"He does zhat." said the German behind him. Matthew froze, looking up to see the almost naked Gilbert staring down at him.

"G-gilbert!"

"Vhat are you doing in here?" he asked, kneeling down onto his toes, resting his arms on his knees. Matthew scrambled backward.

"I...ah...I was looking for things to clean your wounds... a-and I c-" he stopped, noticing that he had no wounds anymore. Though scarred, his skin was clean. What...?

Gilbert stood back up and helped Matthew up as well, before holding out his hand. "I believe zhat's mine."

Matthew blinked curiously, still a bit shocked about the sudden loss of the wounds which he so vividly remembered, and he slowly held out the letter without really understanding. Gil took the paper from him to set it on the desk, moving to grab the overturned chair and sit on it once righting it. "...Have you seen my pen? It vas blue." He asked to the other.

The Canadian shook his head to snap himself out of it, before humming softly. "I ah, no. I'll look though!" He knelt back down, aware of how Gilbert watched him in silence, before looking around the floor. He'd cleaned up quite a bit of papers but there was still a bit to go. Maybe if he kept grabbing papers? Though with Gil awake, he might not like that too much. Then again, he hadn't really said anything about his cleaning before, and only took the paper he held on to. Maybe he didn't mind much, despite his initial reaction of asking why he was here.

Matthew soon spotted the pen under the desk, between the back leg and the wall, and he reached for it, holding it up to Gilbert once he grabbed it, with mild difficulty. "Found it!"

"Wunderbar." he took the pen gratefully and started writing again, his pen gliding against the paper as he jotted down his words. Matthew averted his gaze, watching instead as the raven jumped from the windowsill toward the desk, marching around back and forth along the upper portion of the desk as the albino wrote the letter.

After a few minutes, he set the pen down and folded up the paper, signing and sealing it in an envelope. He then gave it to the raven, who took off out the window, and it grew heavily quiet in the room. Matthew swallowed softly and held his hands together in front of him. Should he say something? Neither of them were moving or talking... It was getting rather awkward being in here in this strange silence.

"Gil, I'm s-"

"Vhy are you here now... out of all zhe times I called for you... out of all zhe times I prayed to see you or hear you, you choose today to come..Zhis hasn't been zhe vurst time I've had, nor has it been zhe best... so vhy today?"

Matthew went quiet, looking down. He started to feel bad for something out of his control. "I didn't... I don't really have control over when I show up... How long has it been?"

"...I honestly don't even know. Each day blends into one anozher..." He lightly twirled the pen upright, staring at it. He leaned back in the chair with a soft sigh, staring at the pen like it sprouted a new detail he had to study.

Matthew nodded slowly. "I understand. I'm sorry I hadn't shown up sooner, but I'm here now, if it matters any. Looks like I arrived in time though... they were beating you pretty badly. Why...?"

Gil dropped the pen, letting it fall freely from his fingers, and turned his gaze to the standing Canadian. "...You have no idea vhy zhey vere beating on me? No idea vhatsoever...?"

He blushed softly at the condescending remark. "I...no. I really don't..."

Gilbert sighed softly, but gave a smile to him. "...I'm glad you don't see it. Everyone else sees it, and it seems zhat's all zhey see."

The room grew quiet as the Canadian tried to think about what he meant, before he mentally kicked himself. Of course he meant that. "I always saw past your albinism. If anything, I found it endearing..." He gave a small smile to that fact.

The gaze Gilbert gaze him was eerily similar to the first one he received. When Gilbert always mentioned how he was mistreated for looking different and when Matthew mentioned that that didn't matter to him, his face would light up.

That was exactly how this Gilbert was staring at him.

"I promise you, Gilbert, that I won't ridicule you for how you look. I don't think anybody should."

Gil gave him a soft fond smile. "...You're zhe first person to say zhat to me..Danke. Really... Danke."

Matthew held up his hands. "Oh, no, really. I-" His words were cut off by a hard pounding on the door of the house. Gilbert stood up and sighed heavily, before leaving the small room still littered with papers, and made his way upstairs. When he returned shortly after, he was dressed once again in the dark blue uniform. Matthew remained inside, confused when he heard a voice sounding similar to his own...

 _ **Far away, across the field..**_

He opened the door and leaned against the frame. "Vhat do you vant? I'm not disturbing anybody. I'm in my own home."

"Perhaps so, but your little messages are being stopped."

Gilbert's brow furrowed. "Vhat messages." They couldn't have known. Well, they could have, but why stop what wasn't doing anyone harm. He knew they looked at the letters, but why would they just now want to stop them? It wasn't like his letters to his brother were particularly harmful or terroristic to the country.

One of the three guardsmen who stood in front of the door held up a raven by his feet, an evil grin on his lips. "The one's you sent with this."

 _ **The tolling on the iron bell..**_

If he wasn't mad before, this definitely sent him over the edge, and he stepped out of the house, slewing many German curses at the trio. "How dare you?! He vas harming nobody! My letters did nozhing to anyone! How could you hurt a bird like zhis?!"

"Easily. If you come any closer, I will be forced to shoot." To emphasize his point, the commander of the trio held out his pistol. This didn't seem to deter the albino, however, and he just continued to shout.

"You already have rule over us here on zhis side. You already built zhis fucking wall to keep us from your fucking Communist regime! You can't do zhat to zhe wildlife!"

"This wasn't wildlife. This was a pet. Obvious, since he was bringing letters back and forth. " He held out the pistol. It was this time that Matthew decided to step out of the house, trying to get the attention of the guards. Gilbert had swung at the commander, and the other two had a hold of his arms as he struggled to get at him.

 _ **Calls the faithful to their knees...**_

Still, Matthew continued to vainly try and capture their attention, but either they were very good at ignoring their surroundings, or they couldn't see him...

Which one was more likely...?

Gil watched as the commander set the pistol against his head, and it was then that he felt his heart drop. There was no stopping this now. He dug himself into a hole and there was no backing out. He turned to gaze to Matthew, who watched in horror, unable to do anything.

 _ **The hear the softly spoken magic spell.**_

The gunshot that quickly followed the unnerving silence muted Matthew's own voice as he screamed out the albino's name. Time seemed to slow as the lifeless body fell to his knees, and hit the dirt below, the guards having let go of him.

This couldn't be real! This couldn't! Gilbert should still be alive! He tried to take a step forward, to find he couldn't move. In panic, he struggled further, tears stinging his eyes and burning his cheeks. He failed to notice the scenery around him growing darker and grayer, until all that was left were two small patches of grass. One, he was standing on.. and the other, lay Gilbert's corpse.

This couldn't be real... he refused to believe it. Matthew sank to his knees, staring blankly at what happened before his eyes. This had to be a dream. A cruel dream...But if this was a dream, why wasn't he waking up..? Why was he still trapped here in this dream world..? This was the third time he'd taken that potion and he was no closer to figuring out what was going on in this world than he was the first time. What kind of world was this anyway..

 _ **Not one you want to be living in, I assure you. I tried to warn you Matthew...**_

* * *

 _ **Gosh thanks for waiting guys. I know it's kind of a short chapter, but I had to give you something. There are a total of four chapters left though I doubt any of them are going to be as long as the previous one was!**_


	14. The Lie

_**Wake up.**_

There's that voice again.. the one that sounded like him. Where was it coming from...

"Hello?" Matthew called out, sitting up on his knees in the pale grass. "Where are you? What's going on... He's not dead is he?"

 _ **Wake up.**_

"Wake up to what... I don't even know how..."

 _ **Wake up to your dream. If you ever want to see him again, wake up.**_

"...What do you mean..." he grew quiet, sinking back to sit on his heels as he stared at the blackness around him. What did he mean, if he ever wanted to see him again? Gilbert was alright, wasn't he? He had to be. This was just a dream.

He sighed softly, turing his gaze to the corpse in the distance from him, and he felt his heart pound against his chest. He had to be alright. Why was he so scared that he, in fact, _wasn't_ alright? There was no reason why not.

 _ **Boy, you better learn to wake your conciousness or you will lose him to your dreams.**_

"And you better tell me what the hell you mean by that!" He shouted. Damn, that voice sounded lik a real jerk. "What exactly does that mean, lose him to my dreams? This is his dream, not mine!"

 _ **This is no one's dream.**_

To that, Matthew froze. No one's dream? The other voice could simply be messing with him, but he had a feeling in his gut that he was wrong. "...It's...not a dream...? Then what am I doing here...?" He asked quietly, turning his gaze to the pale blades below. Now he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he started getting even more anxious. He needed to wake up.

 _ **It's exactly what I said. Are you deaf or something? This is not a dream.**_

"...then...then why are you telling me to wake up...?"

 _ **Because you aren't supposed to be here.**_

Now what in the hell did that mean! He groaned softly, getting more and more confused by the minute. "Who the hell are you?! Why won't you answer any of my questions?!" he finally shouted out into the abyss.

 _ **I answered one.**_

"Yeah one! One out of I don't even know how many!"

 _ **Seven in total, and I answered one. Man I'm on a roll.**_

Great.

"Since it doesn't seem like I'm waking up, start with the basics. Who the hell are you."

 _ **I'm Canada.**_

"You're ridiculous. How can a person be a country."

 _ **I'd answer that, but you were just conversating with one awhile ago before he got himself shot like an idiot.**_

"That was Gilbert. He wasn't a country." He folded his arms. This voice was getting stupid and making him feel like a gullible idiot.

 _ **Was he? I don't remember him ever actually stating his name.**_

"Fine then, smart guy. Who was he?"

 _ **The former Kingdom of Prussia. At the time you saw him, he took up the title German Democratic Republic.**_

...

"...So he was east Germany."

 _ **For lack of a better term, yes.**_

That definitely explained the state he was in... and why the wounds disappeared. He wasn't human.

"...What do you look like?"

 _ **Do you really want to see?**_

No..

"Yes..."

In the darkness to his immediate right, a spotlight seemed to illuminate another patch of white grass. From the darkness beside it, stepped a figure into the light, and Matthew found his breath catching. He had violet eyes and dirty blond hair tied back with a red hairtie; red flannel thrown loosely over his shoulders and jeans he wore..

He looked familiar, but he couldn't exactly place it. Yet the way he stared down at Matthew was a look of boredom. Matthew stood upright when he finally recognized him.

"...you're me."

 _ **Something to that effect, yes.**_

"...So you're not me?"

 _ **Just as he took up a title of a country, so have I. I'm Canada.**_

This was just weird...

Matthew found his gaze being drawn back to the faded corpse in the distance and he sighed softly. As fun as it was to learn new things, it...wasn't the right time. Not when his love, or lookalike, lay dead across from him. Something he was unable to prevent.

And it hurt his heart to see it.

 _ **...Matthew?**_

At the sound of his name, he merely hummed, refusing to tear his gaze away from where it lay.

Canada just sighed. _**Do you want the truth of what's going on here? Now that you've inserted yourself into his life, there is no returning for you. I'm going to give you two options.**_

Options? He forced himself to look away, staring in defeat at the other, who disappeared in the darkness once more.

 _ **The Gilbert you knew never existed. Technically, you shouldn't exist either, but you've done and changed that. Your first option, is to continue living your lie with Gilbert back in your dream.**_

"...My dream...That-...no. No, you're lying. He's real. I know he is!"

Completely ignoring his outburst, Canada continued. _**Or your second option is to return to reality, and face the fact that he never existed.**_

"He's real dammit! You can't tell me otherwise!"

 _ **If you're so sure, exit through the door behind you. When you've decided you're done living the lie, take another swig of the potion.**_

Matthew whirled around, to find a large, black outlined door in the darkness. How he found it was by mere instinct. Canada said there'd be a door, but he didn't expect a door to actually be there. With purpose, he marched forward and opened the door, stepping into the dim light before him.

* * *

What greeted him on the other side was a rather scared looking German, and his albino brother talking to themselves. It took him a moment to register that he was indeed still in Germany, as the scent of pine heavily flooded his senses. He slowly sat upright and held onto his head, his blurred vision staring at the checkered blanket he was wrapped in.

The movement caught the attention of the blond, and he gestured toward Matthew with a nod of his head.

The albino was at his side in an instant. "Matthew! You're alright?" He asked, a little frantic, yet delicate with how he gently touched his head and shoulders. Matthew looked up at him and cupped his face. He was real. He had to be real. There's no way Canada was right..

"I'm fine Gil.. What happened? I feel like I got hit by a truck..."

Gilbert sighed, gently grabbing his hand from his face, and moving his own to mimic his motion. "You've been asleep for several days... I was asleep too so I'm not sure how long. West?" He looked to his brother for reassurance.

The blond nodded slowly. "A few days is right. Today marks day four." Matthew merely shook his head. How on earth did he manage to sleep that long? Had Alfred gone home after that night?

"I'm so glad you're awake though. I never thought I'd see you here in Germany.. Why did you come?"

"I told you zhat, Bruder. He-"

"I want to hear it from him, West."

Matthew chuckled softly. "I got...scared. Without you. It never really occured to me why exactly you were leaving for Berlin on this day every year, and I got curious about it... and I...I got scared. At my age, I honestly shouldn't be scared, but I was. You don't know how relieved I am to know you're al-...Alright." He caught himself thankfully. Wouldn't want to worry Gilbert about his own _death_ right?

Gilbert just smiled. A familiar smile that made his heart pound. One he fell in love with.

"I'm with you and my bruderlein. I'll always be alright."

The Canadian just smiled happily to hear that, hugging Gilbert tightly; tight enough to crush him in fact, and Gilbert made a strained noise.

"Air- Vogel... Air!" he cried, and panicked, Matthew withdrew, letting the albino inhale deeply.

"Sorry!" Matthew was quick to apologize, earning a soft chuckle from Gilbert.

"It's fine... Come on, I bet you're hungry." Gil smiled and Matthew was suddenly _very_ aware that his stomach was running on empty. Four days huh... Four days without food or water.

"...uhh, yeah. heh." He smiled awkwardly, and Gil stood, helping the Canadian to his feet. After taking a small moment to fix the bed, the trio walked downstairs. Matthew took a moment to himself to compare the homes he'd seen. Everything looked alright... It didn't look changed at all. Though the home Gilbert had had was definitely different than his brother's place, but he wasn't sure which one was real.

It had to be this one though. He was sure. This had to be real. Canada was wrong. Just a nightmare...right?

Matthew felt his empty stomach churn and he groaned slightly in pain. "Oh man... "

"I know Vogel. Just a minute okay? We'll make you some food. " Gilbert assured him. Matthew only sat down and nodded slowly, trying to still the discomfort in his stomach. As the two Germans walked into the kitchen, a gentle padding came up to him, and two dogs laid their heads on his legs. Though they made no noise, they practically begged to be pet, which Matthew was happy to oblidge.

The soft fur ran between his fingers at each backward stroke, and he could feel their bodies wiggle with their tails as they wagged happily. After whatever Canada said in that...dream, he was starting to doubt everything. To secure the notion he was right, he took to examining every detail he could discern. How the black and brown fur mingled on the German Shepard to his right, and the short black of the Doberman to his left. They both looked to happy to recieve such affections from someone they knew would give it.

A sharp whistle and command from Ludwig in the kitchen made them move away from Matthew as said German poked his head out of the kitchen doorway. "Vhat vould you like to eat? I don't have much today but I vas planning on going to zhe grocer..." He at least tried to be nice in his hosting. Especially with someone so close to his brother.

It only made Matthew smile and giggle at the attempt. "Anything's great, Lud. Really."

Ludwig himself wasn't too sure about that, but he took it as an acceptable answer and disappeared behind the door once more. Soft voices were heard as the brothers talked amongst themselves in German. It wasn't often Gilbert was home anymore, to spend any time with his brother since he married his favourite foreigner.

In reminder of that sacred pact, Matthew looked to his ring. A strangely worn silver band decorated his finger. This made him pause and examine it more clearly. When had it gotten so worn down with age? He'd only had it for maybe five years or so.. He turned his hand this way, and that, examining the ring with urgency. It looked ancient,like an heirloom. Though he was always careful to take good care of it, this band looked like it wasn't too taken care of.. like it rested in vinegar every night for bedtime.

That was impossible though. He never took it off except for cleaning, which he was careful to do himself.

"Vogel?"

The voice brought his head quickly upward and his hand down a little too hard onto his knee, making a small slap. "Yes?"

Gilbert stared at him in confusion. "Are you sure you're okay? I've been calling for you for a minute now.. What were you looking at?"

"My ring.."

Gil set the plate down in front of Matthew and lifted his hand to look at the band himself and Matthew looked to the plate. Pancakes...?

"I don't see anything wrong with it." Gil said. Matthew looked to the band and stared blankly. Bright silver, like it was newly crafted, adorned his finger.

"Wh-...but I...I thought..." Matthew stammered, and Gil shook his head.

"Well, everything looks fine. Go on and eat Vogel. We'll spend a few days here with my bruderlein, since I don't see him too often. I hope that's okay."

Still reeling from what he _knew_ he saw, all Matthew did was nod and cut into the spongy cakes before him.

Gil smiled and sat next to him, Ludwig bringing out plates for the both of them to eat from. Matthew focused on the taste of the cakes and exhaled softly. Not quite like his own, but still good all the same. Even the syrup they used had a nice, different, taste. It really had been quite awhile since they'd been here. The pancakes themselves tasted almost foreign to his tongue..

Before he knew it, the plate was empty and he looked to the brothers, chatting away as if he wasn't even there. Neither addressed him in their speech, which wasn't English. Strange how they always did that. Though he shouldn't be too surprised. He spoke French directly to his papa, leaving his brother to wonder exactly what he was saying, and for his dad to pout and whine about being left out of the conversation. Matthew just smiled to himself.

He then decided to stand, taking his plate with him, and both brothers focused on him. "Hey, I can get that for you." Gil reached out, only to have Matthew pull it back.

"Nu uh. You made the food, I do the dishes. It's only fair."

Ludwig chuckled at the pout Gil would make when defeated. "You are a guest Matzhew. Zhere is no need to do anyzhing vhile you're here."

"I want to though." he took the remaining two plates into the kitchen. It always unnerved him to step into such a clean place, like his presence would ruin it and have someone mad at him. Gil would keep their house clean to this level though, so it didn't bother him as much than it did when he was first here. He wouldn't even move from his spot on the couch for fear of soiling something and having Ludwig glare at him all night.

It didn't take him long to do said dishes, and he would leave the room, carrying a towel to dry his hand. "Alright, so what-" He paused in seeing the dining room empty. Where could they have gone? It was only a few minutes... "Gil?" He called, stepping around the table and chairs. "Ludwig, where'd you guys go?"

No response from anywhere in the house, and for a moment, he could have sworn is looked deserted. His final room to look into was Gilbert's old room, to which the door was slightly ajar. He poked his head inside and noticed it held a strange darkness about it. While everything was lit and on, things looked rather gray and colourless in this room. It gave him a cold shiver and he decided to close the room off, trying to warm himself back up.

Once the door closed, barking caught his attention in the otherwise silent house, and he ran to follow it. His feet lead him outside to find Gilbert running from a yellow Retriever, practically screaming. Though he kept a distance ahead of her, he didn't stop running from her chasing. Ludwig was doing nothing to stop her either. "Ludwig, what are you doing?" Matthew asked, taking his place to stand next to him and watch his albino run in circles.

"He stepped on her tail by accident. I'm letting her get her revenge." He stated clearly. Matthew nodded and watched as Gil eventually tripped and the dog jumped on him to bite his arm. Though she was careful in only biting once, and in apology, she licked the wound. Gil laughed softly and pet her.

"Ja, I'm sorry too girl. I didn't mean to step where I did..."

Matthew looked scared the minute he saw Gilbert fall, and he didn't notice his skin paling, or blood running cold. To him, his fall was rather slow motion and reminiscent of the dream state. It wasn't a trip that caused him to fall... not to him. He screamed out when Ludwig grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little. "Matzhew!" He looked worried as the Canadian focused on him, his heart beating quickly and his breathing close to hyperventilation.

He quickly shifted to watch Gilbert stand with the dog at his side. "Matthew? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Gil...God.." he breathed, hugging himself to sink down. "I...I just... um... nightmare...still rather v...vivid." Gilbert went to kneel in front of him to touch his face. His touch wasn't warm and welcoming, which only made him start to cry in his shakened state. It was cold and lifeless.

"Hey Matthew... Honey look at me. I'm right here... Nothing's gonna hurt you." He cupped him with both hands and made the brilliant lavender stare at the gentle crimson. He would feel warmer now as they stared in silence. His sobbing grew harder as he threw himself against Gilbert, hugging tightly. He had to be real! This felt real! His heart hurt like he'd lost something so close, but he could feel Gil... he was right here. His promise sounded so full of truth...

 _ **The door is always there. In the corner of your eye. When you decide to take the chance and escape your dream, take it. You have this one warning. Don't drink the whole bottle.**_

In hearing Canada once again, Matthew hiccuped. Stupid door. He was wrong. He was wrong. He had to be.

Gilbert would gently pet Matthew as he held him, trying to shush him and soothe him. Even the dogs nudged him with their noses, whimpering. For their master to guard his emotions so well, they were oddly receptive to other's emotions. Matthew didn't seem to notice their cold noses, focusing entirely on Gilbert against him. How he smelled of honey, and his touches were so soothing.

 _He was wrong._

As Gilbert had said, they had stayed at least until the 15th, a few days later than he originally promised. Turns out he couldn't really leave his brother alone.

After the floodgates opened during the drinking contest, Gilbert could sleep peacefully every night at that point. It put Matthew's mind at ease to notice Gilbert would fall asleep next to him, and stay that way all night long. It even let Matthew sleep rather well in knowing his husband was doing what it took him forever to do. He all but put Canada's warnings and messages into the back of his mind.

Gilbert waved goodbye to his brother as they headed through customs and toward the gate to their plane to head back to Canada. "Ah, I missed hanging out with Lud. We should definitely take trips here when it's not for anything important."

Matthew nodded in agreement, his fingers ghosting over the cross he was given for reassurance. It felt like it was there, but he couldn't hear the jingle of the chain.. That was mildly concerning, but as long as he could feel it, he felt Gilbert in his heart. His sunshine...

The plane ride was long, as it usually was when crossing the Atlantic, and Matthew hurriedly stepped off the plane into the airport of Ottawa. Finally, the familiarity of Canada... Gil was dragged behind him, laughing. "In a hurry _Vogel?_ "he teased.

He really was though. He rushed in everything he did, eager to get home. He was eager to throw his belongings on the floor, and pull Gilbert into their home, where Alfred was crashed on the couch. Ivan though, was awake, and greeted them cheerfully.

"Privyet, Matvey. We were watching your house and your bird while you were gone. I hope you don't mind."

Matthew gave him a look, the grin Ivan would wear unaffected by it. "Yea, thanks.."

"I have not seen your bear. Did something happen?"

That made Matthew pause and look off. Kuma still wasn't here? It's not like the polar bear hibernated... not while he had a warm house to go to with plenty of food. He grew out of hibernation back when he was a cub. "...I hope not... I haven't seem him since before...Gil was having his issue."

Gilbert would frown at that. Kumajiro wasn't around? That's unfortunate and concerning. "...Jeez. Did you want to go looking for him Mattie?" he asked, looking to the door.

Matthew was more concerned with why his house looked different. Even with more people inside, it looked marginally more...empty. He eventually tried to put that fact out of his mind and looked back to Gilbert. "We really should. I'll give it another day though. I'm tired..."

Gil looked a little concerned but nodded. "Danke, Ivan. You don't have to stay anymore."

He never liked the greedy gaze Ivan would give him, but the Russian said nothing, scooping up the passed out American from the couch and leaving the house entirely. One of these days, he was sure Ivan would tell him why he gave him those looks, but not today. Of that, he was thankful.

Glad he and Gil were finally alone, Matthew pulled him him close and peppered his skin with the kisses he'd longed to give him since he left on his own on the ninth. Gil hugged him close, loving the affection, and chuckling softly. "Hey I'm not going anywhere.. You have a whole lifetime of me. "

How long is a lifetime...? It differed between people. Matthew felt his heart stop beating momentarily, envisioning the gray corpse in that blackness that he never wanted to see or be in hugged Gilbert closer and tighter, not noticing he started shaking until Gilbert looked at him in concern. "Hey... hey relax. what's got you so scared.."

"N..nothing. Don't leave me..okay?"

"I wouldn't dream of it..."

That seemed to reassure him, and he relaxed completely in Gilbert's arms, closing his eyes. "...can we go to bed now?" he asked quietly, earning a soft chuckle from his husband.

"Ja, _Vogel_ we can go to sleep now. We'll go looking for Kuma first thing in the morning." Gilbert would lead him to the bedroom, which held the same neatness as they'd left it. He pulled back to the covers, quietly leading Matthew to lay down in them, and tuck him in comfortably, before laying beside him. "Will you tell me what's wrong eventually?"

"...nothing's wrong Gil. I've just.. my imagination keeps trying to kill you."

He laughed softly. "Can't get rid of me that easily. " Matthew would smile a little in response to that, before dozing off against the pillow, facing his beloved.

* * *

Things were cold here. Colder than the outside on dark winter nights. He watched his breath paint over a surface in front of him. He couldn't see what lay beyond it, nor could he see his reflection in the surface. He only saw his breath. It was chilling how alone he felt in the dark of his dream. Was he even still Matthew? It was hard to tell, unable to see anything.

The darkness put a chill through his spine, as he was once again reminded of that lifeless corpse he was forced to witness. Why couldn't he just put that image away? It was unbearable! As if his dreams hated him, from beyond the glass, he could see. He could see that gray spot of grass, though nothing resided in it this time. Matthew raised his fists to beat on the surface in front of him, dying to get closer, or away from the hell he saw. It hurt his heart to see that small patch, even if the body of Prussia was no longer there.

He resembled Gilbert too much... He tried to cry out, finding he had no voice in this chilling cold, and he continued to beat on the surface.

 _ **You know how this ends. You know how to escape. You have to wake up sometime.**_

Matthew froze at seeing his reflection, the same unamused look that Canada would give him staring at him, before morphing into fright. He saw his face and body react as he would be trying to do, and it scared him. Again, he tried to cry out, the surface fogging over completely.

 _ **You know how to escape. I'm not telling you again.**_

No! That would mean accepting this life as false. The happy life he'd made with Gilbert a lie. A dream..

 _ **Wake up.**_

He beat again and again, long after his fists had begun to bruise and bleed. Long after he had no energy in the cold. Long after he could no longer feel his body. He had to escape.. The fog smeared with blood as he continued to try...and try...

He didn't know how long he'd been beating against the unyielding surface, but when he finally stopped in defeat, he could no longer recognize his hands as hands. He couldn't escape this prison. A prison he'd made for himself. Why though? It was his dream, he should be able to control it... Especially now he knew it. But he couldn't break though this unbreakable wall. The only surface, of which he could see, was covered with blood and steam from his breathing..

Canada was constantly telling him how he could make it end... but that would mean giving up the life he'd created for himself and admitting everything was a lie. He couldn't do that. Gilbert didn't deserve that.

He screamed out a silent plea. Please Gilbert, wake me up... I need you.

Though nobody heard him. Nobody came.

He was left in the chilling darkness, a mute plea echoing through his mind for what seemed like an would nobody answer? Why couldn't he wake up? He sobbed quietly on his knees. He felt abandoned here in this void. His husband was gone.. Canada was gone... just left him here alone. He was broken and bruised, and empty. It felt so real... he could feel the pain in what was left of his hands as the blood pooled in the broken vessels before draining onto the floor below him.

How long he stayed in that darkness, he didn't know, but he suddenly found he was awake, and back in the bedroom. Gilbert was sleeping calmly beside him, the room dimly lit by an obscured moon. Matthew rubbed his eyes, sitting up with mild difficulty, and staring at his shaking hands. It all felt so real...

 **126**

The blue lines were the only illuminating source in the room at present as Matthew tried to gather his breath. He had to remember it was a dream... Nothing more than a dream. Canada couldn't hurt him out here. His Gilbert was alive out here..

He slid out of the bed to head toward the kitchen, suddenly feeling the need to drink some coffee. Hopefully it would relax him.

Once in the kitchen, he portioned out his instant coffee and started to brew it, leaning against the counter. The only noises in the house at this time of night, was the soft peeping Gilbird would make every now and again, and the bubbling of the hot water in the coffee maker. He felt so lost in the dark rooms of the house, even if he knew his way around with his eyes closed. Such a vivid dream... He hated it and needed to get his mind off it.

He got up off the counter's edge to turn, and stare out the window. As his mind moved through the darkened landscape of the winter trees, he started to think about his bear friend. Kuma had been gone since Gilbert had first started losing sleep, no matter what he tried to do to bring him back. No amount of calling or food or begging could bring that bear back, and it made his heart ache to think something happened to him.

After all, Kuma was there first. He was with Matthew since he was a cub, going through every heartbreak and emotional breakdown the Canadian had during his lifetime, and the bear would never complain.

He wasn't sure how long he was staring into the inky blackness of the barren trees, but the aroma of freshly brewed coffee brought him back into focus. When he turned to the coffee machine, the pot was full and awaiting further orders. Matthew grabbed a mug and poured some of the dark roast into it, quickly followed by some milk and honey. With his caffeine mixture in hand, he went out to sit on his porch, watching the world sit still under the veil of the night.

The steam from the mug was the only movement he could see on such a windless night, and he listened to the music his heart made as he calmed it down from such a strange nightmare. Growing up, Mathew had his fair share of panic attacks... Gil had always told him to hold his breath, and listen to the beating of his heart. Let his mind race, it was no use in trying to calm that storm, but he wanted him to focus on one stimuli. Gil put his hand over Matthew's ears, the tears rolling down breaking his heart, but he calmly told Matthew to listen to his heart. The erratic beating would slowly calm.

Matthew did that now, listening to the only source of noise in his ears, and focused on the beating in its entirety, listening to it slow and calm. He couldn't stay out here all night, could he? Carefully taking a sip from the roast, he closed his eyes. It was definitely calming enough. Maybe he could... not like he would worry Gilbert too much. He was still on the property.

He opened his eyes again to look at the creamy substance in the mug, watching it sway slightly as his body continued to shiver. It was a bit chilly out here, but the cold only helped in making him calm down. It always had, much to his brother's confusion. Maybe he could occupy his time and look for the bear... He'd be back before morning, that was for sure.

Making up his mind, Matthew stood and set the mug down on the chair, opening the door enough to snatch his boots from by the door, before sliding them on. Taking a moment to grab the mug, he calmly headed out into the trees, desperate to see his friend again.

Once in the dense, but barren trees, the light was scarce, and Matthew would call for Kuma once again. He'd gone searching once, but he didn't escape too far. It was possible Kumajiro was long gone by now, but the bear was smarter than that. At least, he'd hoped...

With the sound of snapping twigs now the newest source of noise under his boots, Matthew would try to listen for anything out of the ordinary. "Kuma? Kumajiro, where'd you get to buddy?" Not like he expected a response at this point, but he'd definitely have loved one.

Every now and again, he'd hear hooting of owls as he disturbed their prey on their hunts with the sounds of his continuous stick breaking. He'd, of course, apologize and continue on his way. He'd almost forget about his coffee too, but he'd make sure to take sips as it cooled off on the outside air. How far did these trees go? The world was a much different place in the dark. He couldn't be more than ten minutes away from the house, still calling for his bear, and doing his best to imitate the sounds Kuma would make.

Either they were perfect, or so horrible that some birds flew off from their trees to get away from him. He wasn't quite sure which. He would blush and laugh softly, deciding never to do that again.

Another eternity later, or somewhere around fifteen minutes, he decided to call it a night this time. He'd go looking in the morning, when he could see where he was going. Besides, the darkness was getting eerily quiet. Not even the sounds of twigs rang out in the silence anymore.

Matthew turned around to head back toward the house, only to find he wasn't as far out as he thought he was. May have just been a trick of the dark, but his house was there not five minutes walk from where he'd turned around. He chalked it up to simply wandering more in a circle than an actual straight line like he could have sworn he was doing. Honestly though, who could really well what direction they'd be walking if they couldn't see anything.

 _ **Wake up.**_

Matthew gripped his mug tighter, trying to pretend he didn't just hear Canada echoing in the dead of night, and he entered his home, kicking off his shoes by the door, then shutting it behind him. With purpose, he marched toward the couch, plopping down with his cooled liquid, and drinking a decent portion of it. Tasted better hot, but that's what he got for spending near a half hour outside with it. At least, he thought it was a half hour. Felt like forever..He decided to find out exactly how long he spent outside by finding a clock.

In finding the bright red lines of the kitchen clock, he dropped his mug, hearing the shatter in the darkness. The coffee was soaked up by the carpet at the edge of the kitchen tile and living room. There was...no way. It... had to have stopped. Right?

 **126**

It screamed out the time, the LEDs brighter than the sun in the contrasting darkness, and Matthew felt his heart stop. It was impossible! He was outside for a long time! There was no way that time hadn't passed!

 _ **Wake up.**_

"Fuck off! Leave me alone!"

 _ **Time cannot pass anymore. Wake the fuck up before I pull the damn plug on you.**_

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean!" He screamed to the ceiling. He was really tired of hearing the same stuff over and over again. Matthew ran to the bedroom to wake up Gilbert, who was still sleeping, undisturbed. He shook him gently. "Gil? Gil please wake up!" he cried, though the albino didn't seem to be waking anytime soon.

 _ **I won't tell you again. You know how to escape. Take it before it kills you.**_

"Why are you so worried about me, huh?" he glared upward. He didn't know where the voice was coming from, but he needed a direction to direct his hate toward. Up seemed viable.

 _ **Because I need you back. I can't run this shit by myself. And this damn life you've given yourself ain't what I need.**_

"You selfish fuck! You just can't let me have my time to myself can you? You're tearing me away from all of this just so you can go back to being lazy?"

 _ **Not quite. I just need you to wake up.**_

"Fuck off."

 _ **Only one way to do that.**_

Drink the potion, right. He said don't drink all of it, or it could kill him, but what was the point anyway. How much of this was a lie? The marriage? Had he made up Gilbert entirely? Was he dead somewhere? Who knew. Matthew went to dig through his backpack by the door to find the half empty bottle, and he brought it back with him as he sat on the bed. He carefully looked over Gilbert's disturbed, but otherwise peaceful, form. He found his hatred melting as he tried to remember the happy times he had with Gilbert. All the smiles and laughs they'd shared. Movies they watched. All the moments of the future they'd planned together...

He started to lose his nerve, looking to the glittery liquid with tears blurring his vision. "...Gil...I love you so much. I'm...I'm glad... I could feel what happiness you gave me. I hope you're real. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I made you up. " he uncorked the bottle, preparing to taste the almond that he despised. He reached over to gently cup Gil's face, before leaning down and giving him the gentlest of kisses, watching as he would smile at the affection. It was the last time he'd feel his husband, and it made him sick to realize that. Taking one last look to the clock that still hadn't changed, Matthew took a swig of the liquid, the tears falling steadily. He would quickly cork it back up before he threw the foul liquid up, and he laid beside Gilbert, reaching over to gently rub his cheek. He would continuously mumble his heart's feelings, murmuring 'I love you' over and over again, until he felt himself getting dizzy and tired.

The last thing he saw was Gil's eyes opening to stare at him, with a gentle smile on his features.

"I love you too."


End file.
